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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do?

4 replies

Sickened · 05/01/2025 22:59

Hey,

I'm unsure of what to do in this situation, I can't believe I'm almost 40 and still not sure how to deal with the opposite sex.

I got out of a very long term relationship almost 2 years ago and have worked on myself ever since. I've tackled my weight and spoken to a therapist dealing with my low self esteem and generally my confidence has boosted.

I'm middle management with a handful of team leaders underneath me, it's a very fun environment and I love my job..... now to my issue.

Myself and 3 colleagues (2 of which are in a long term relationship) decided to go out for a couple of drinks after working late on a Friday night. I had a hotel room booked at the pub and met them downstairs for a couple of drinks. An hour or so in the couple decide to head home, leaving myself and my male team leader in the bar. We have 3 more drinks nd the bar closes. I suggested that if he wanted another drink then I had a bottle in my room. He accepted me offer and as you can guess, one thing lead to another and we slept together. I've fancied him for months and his flirtiness lead me to think he may have fancied me too. He left before I woke up (he was back in the office early the next day).

Now, I see him on the Monday and it's a little awkward but nothing bad. But nothing is mentioned about the Friday night. It's now 2 weeks later and neither of us have discussed that night, other than when another colleague asked how the bar was that night and I said in front of him "I had a really fun evening".

After the first couple of days he reverted back to his usual very flirty self, even calling me the little nickname that he was calling me before we slept together. We are both single and he is leaving the company at the end of the month. I really want to ask him out but have I missed my boat? As you can tell I'm usually very shy and I'm very rusty in the dating game after a 15 year relationship.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 05/01/2025 23:02

You haven't missed the boat if he actually likes you, there's no timer set on these things. But given the alcohol involved it could be that he made a mistake (or actually that he just wanted a shag and nothing more), given that he left before you woke up and hasn't mentioned it since I wouldn't say are brilliant signs, unless he's really shy?

GarrynotsoGorilla · 05/01/2025 23:06

He may be embarrassed about it, or not sure of your feelings. Be careful here the boss dynamics could get you in hot water professionally. If you have his personal contact details, wait till he leaves and then message. If you don't get them before he does with a pretext. Then message him. Just he straight up and ask if he would like a drink some time

Sickened · 06/01/2025 08:18

He is shy and is a private person. As we're a small team and a few of us have known each other a long time we know the ins and outs of each others personal lives. But he's not like that and keeps himself to himself.

I was worried that it was just a one night thing and just wanted a shag. It felt a bit like that the first couple of days afterwards but he has now reverted back to his usual flirty self. If it's a friends with benefits thing I'm happy with that.

I posted this yesterday as I've had a week of annual leave and myself and him were messaging last night about a new house he's buying. He then messaged me very late telling me something funny that one of his neighbours had been up to. I'd been with my ex since I was 20 so I'm very unsure of how things work these days lol.

OP posts:
Sickened · 17/01/2025 21:59

Just looking to see if anyone is still around. Since I posted this we have been messaging all the time. In person the chemistry between us was crazy, so I bit the bullet last night and asked if he wanted to go for a drink after work tonight. He cancelled his decorating plans and we went for some food and a drink after work.

I don't know if it was the fact that we have been talking all week and run out of things to talk about, it's the end of a 60 hour week or that we're both very shy but it felt a little awkward. Come 8:30 he said he was tired and was going to head off and I don't know whether to message him first and say something or just leave him be and see. I sound like a school girl, but I'm so out of touch with these things.

OP posts:
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