Working away during the week - struggling.

[Commuterconfusion]

Last year I started a fantastic new job. It’s a very senior role and is such a good opportunity. The problem is it’s quite a long way away from where we live and I am now commuting between there and home where my husband (39) has a very good job.

I’ve rented a flat near to work and fly out from home on a Monday and back on a Thursday night.

It’s so difficult because I really like my husband and I miss him terribly during the week. I’m also very tired over the weekend. The job is challenging and I miss having him there for support in the evenings. We are on FaceTime all the time, which helps.

I’ve been feeling so guilty, thinking I’m a bad wife for leaving him during the week while I chase my career. I know of lots of men who have worked similarly, but no other women.

We do not have any children, which makes the situation much easier.

Are there any women on here who have this arrangement? How do you find it? Are there any arrangements you have for balancing your time there and home?

For context, it’s a n exec level position and presence there is important. I work from home on a Friday. In time maybe I could stretch this to include Monday. However, being onsite is very important.

I’ve done this most weeks for the last decade, with 3 DCs. As much as possible I try to be gone three days rather than four - that makes a big difference for us all. It’s hard but we all muddle through. I ask everyone every few months how the set up is feeling, and it’s only in the past few weeks that DD(7) has expressed a desire for me to find a job that has me home more. I’ll probably look for something more local in the next 18 months, but the benefits to our family from my salary plus truly lovely colleagues have been undeniable the last few years. I feel very fortunate (though exhausted).

I appreciate money isn’t everything but it comes close. I presume finically it’s beneficial for you, personally if that is the case I would stick it out as long as you could and build up a nest egg in order to make the transition to your next phase of your life easier.

Dh worked 5 hours from us for 22 years. Came home most weekends but often away for weeks or months. It's not for most people but it can work.

Also he was on shit money (armed forces).

I work from home now, but for about 12 years I worked away 3-5 days a week. For the most part I absolutely loved it - I loved the time I had to myself and the fun of working with the different project teams. (I also had a DC though, so DH was a SAHD which worked well).

Can you get to know the people you're working with better and maybe socialise with them once a week - it'll help the time away to go faster. Also, can your DH come away with you occasionally so that you can spend the evenings together?