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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm dating a girl and need urgent advice

4 replies

Jb854 · 05/01/2025 21:44

Ive met a girl online and she really wanted to move to the Netherlands, and in December, she stayed with me for a few days. We did fun things together went out for dinner, but I didn’t feel the same attraction as I’ve had with other women in the past. I do find her sweet and lovely, and I wanted to give it a shot to see if that attraction would develop.

So, I went to visit her on January 1st, but again, I didn’t feel that attraction. I think she’s great and super sweet, but I’m really disappointed that I’m experiencing this. So i left her the next day after that I spoke with her, and she told me that sometimes it takes time to develop physical attraction to someone. She believes it could still happen, and she’s even willing to come to me to make it work.

I told her I will give it another try, but I’m still not sure if it will work out. I’ve never met someone as sweet and caring as her, and I’ve been crying since I left her and even yesterday because I feel so torn while i came home from schotland because im living in the netherlands, I still feel sad and disappointed in myself.

She still wants to see me and we might do it but I'm to afraid its not going to work out.

Im also really bad at being alone and it feels that's also an issue with me that seeks someone just to talk with in my life.

Does anyone have any tips or has anyone been through something similar? Did I give up too quickly? Does this mean it could still work out?

OP posts:
Jazzjazzjazz · 05/01/2025 21:48

I don’t really understand the dilemma, find contentment in being alone until you find the one you feel everything for. Don’t attempt to force something to work when the spark isn’t there, as the motivation for doing so is because you can’t cope with being alone. That’s unhealthy, and unfair to her. She can be a friend, that’s what a platonic bond is - friendship. See if you want to invest in that friendship, or cut your losses completely

stayathomer · 05/01/2025 21:50

I think if you don’t feel it in person, and find it easier interacting eg typing, then you’re just not really suited. Everything has to come together for a relationship to happen. I wouldn’t panic that you’re going to be alone, as it’s better to be alone than in a relationship where the two of you don’t light up each other’s day. (Just my opinion though!)

Therearentenoughnamesleft · 05/01/2025 21:51

Be honest with each other. This is a friendship and nothing more, don't waffle about it be direct. It will hurt in the short term but long term she will appreciate the honesty.

teentantrums · 05/01/2025 22:11

I think you are spending too much time on energy on someone who lives in a different country and who you are not attracted to. Move on.

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