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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I’m finally done . .

27 replies

MrsJJ84 · 05/01/2025 14:27

over a year of on / off distant behaviour from husband of 16 years .
if I try to talk about it I’m eye rolled at . Called a nag etc. Told that I’ve made the distant behaviour last longer because I’ve tried to discuss things .
no affection . No sex .
We’ve been in therapy and things got better . But any disagreement causes this distance . Which can last for weeks . And by asking to talk about things I make it worse .
When we were in a good place our communication has always been our strong point so I don’t understand why he now shuts down instead of communicating with me .
Today I’ve been told to ‘trot on’ , sneered at and had my body language / tone of voice mimicked and mocked . Also eye rolled and putting headphones in when i try to talk .
I'm heartbroken and don’t want to disrupt the kids lives but Im so unhappy .i cry most days .
I’m yearning for him to be the man he used to be and i see glimpses but it never lasts . Physically im safe but emotionally i dont feel safe at all anymore .
The kids don’t witness this . Bit I find it hard to be a fun parent with all this going on (kids 15,12,10)
how long do you give therapy , we’ve only had a few sessions . I know I’m not perfect . I can be anxious / needy / prone to getting stressed out . But I feel I try to water myself down so I don’t cause any further discomfort .
thanks for getting this far !

OP posts:
Magamom · 10/01/2025 02:04

He sounds mean and awful. I’d divorce and leave asap. No excuse to bully you daily to tears. Prayers

FictionalCharacter · 10/01/2025 11:00

Please listen to what @AttilaTheMeerkat is telling you.

Right now you're making excuses for him, and blaming yourself as he's trained you to do - "what have I done, why do I deserve this" - and thinking you can fix the relationship by appeasing him. It isn't you, it's him, and you won't fix the marriage by being his emotional punchbag. You've already tried that and it hasn't changed him. He doesn't want to change anything, it suits him to use you like this.
The only thing you can do is save yourself by getting away from him. Then you'll get your self esteem and peace of mind back.

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