Has he gosted me

[lillybeal]

So I've been single for over 8 years following my DH death. Now that my kids are getting older I've decided to try out online dating. Got chatting to a really nice guy (48) that I seems to have loads in common with. He asked me out during the week to meet for coffee today. He is a big texter and seems very keen. Yesterday at 5pm following a message I sent he seems to have completely disappeared.I text this morning wondering what time we will meet but absolutely nothing, radio silence but he hasn't unmatched me. I'm coming up with lots of reasons in my head, mainly that he heard back some very personal things about me as he would know people who know me. What do ye think?

Unfortunately this is remarkably common with OLD. I had similar, messaging and chatting, had a date planned (suggested by him) then 24 hours before he ghosted.

A lot of men on OLD are flaky and talk crap. Older men particularly so in my experience.

Either he’s busy and not responding or he’s ignoring you
I wouldn’t jump straight to ghost yet. Wait 2 days send a hiya,how’s it going text
What could he possibly have heard that’s so alarming or scary he’s put off?

You were meant to be meeting today but he still hasn't responded and confirmed the time, I would assume he's ghosting also, no idea why, it's so rude, it's like they can't face having to tell you they are no longer interested which would actually be better than leaving you wondering.
Just unmatch and move on.

This was my experience too when I tried OLD. It happened a number of times with different men. They would appear very keen, message back and forth, they’d suggest meeting, a date, time and venue was agreed, they’d say how much they were looking forward to meeting and the day before we were due to meet simply vanish. I just blocked and moved on.

I suspect that there are a fair few married men on the dating sites masquerading as single, with no intention of meeting, simply looking to boost their fragile egos. I found that a video call using the dating app was the best way of whittling out the time wasters.

Well after my husband's death by suicide I couldn't cope with the feelings so began self medicating with prescription pills and alcohol. I've since been through treatment and have good recovery

I know of him he is definitely separated and single

Well done for regaining control of your life, Lilly. I’m sorry you lost your husband in such a terrible way.

You’ve had a bad time, and you’ve made huge progress. The last thing you need now is dickheads using online dating apps to fool around and hurt women. OLD is notorious for that.

I’d give this man a day or so in case he’s had an emergency. Then try to forget about it. Have you tried other ways of meeting new people, eg hobbies, social groups, or through friends?

Best of luck. Try not to let stupid players get you down. Do you read the Dating threads on the Relationships board? They are full of similar stories, and women posting there support each other.

You experienced a loss by suicide,that’s really traumatic. In that fug of sadness you used alcohol and prescription meds to cope. Thats understandable. You’re now in recovery which is amazing- well done you
Anyone who’d cast aspersions on you, because of an understandable grief reaction, isn’t a decent person

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read about men doing this.

I’’m convinced they only want attention on their phones and have no intention to meet up but there is no point in trying to work out the reason why they do this.

Block and move on.

Do not do this. He’s gone silent before a first date and does not deserve to get away with it.

This happens a lot on online dating

Prioritise yourself, if you want to block him do that, if you think give it one more text do that.

Loads of heavy ‘keen’ texting from men in the beginning before even meeting is a massive red flag.

If someone wants to date you they will follow through with effort and meet up.
Don’t invest too much time or emotional energy into anyone until you meet and know there is some kind of actual connection.

This is typical when you are online dating. You just have to let it go without taking it personally/as a reflection of you. Because it's not.

This happens all the time. 🙄

Quite often with people you really get on great with & they seem really keen. Then either a lame excuse or ghosting or often both!

It's almost like a lot of people on dating apps don't actually want to do the date bit.