I have feelings for my daughters boyfriends dad!

[MH04]

Hi.
New to all of this. I have what I'd call a bit of a problem.
I am a mum to a 11 yr old and a 14 yr old. Both girls. My 11 yr old is 'dating' another boy her age. It's nothing serious obviously at that age and they hardly see each other or speak unless me and his dad make plans. However, me and this boys dad have feelings for each other. We've talked and talked and decided to keep things quiet and see how things go. My 11 yr old doesn't like the idea of it as it means it 'would be weird and she would have to break up with her bf). The dad makes me so happy. We get on like a house on fire and just click. What would others do in this suggestion? Ignore my feelings and end our secret or wait for my daughter to break-up with her bf which will happen at some point due to her being just 11. Or see how things go and then sit kids down?
Thanks!

Why does your daughter know anything about this? These strong attractions can happen, and assuming you and this man are both single, the same framework applies as to any single parent who is considering a new relationship - many parents decide to keep it separate from the child's life until it looks like being a long-term, respectful relationship, then gradually introduce the idea to the child.

Did you meet him through your daughter? If so.....that's pretty weird - I've got a daughter and would never have a 'playdate' with a pretend boyfriends parent/parents, especially at 11 years old, thats too young to be meeting boyfriends parents and too old to be having playdates with parents you never met before.

How often are you seeing him and is only on playdates?

I would also consider that if they’re referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend to their parents, however innocent and asexual it is in practice, they’re also referring to each other as that to their school friends and that opens them both up to a lot of teasing and embarrassment if you start publicly dating his dad. Also, it sounds like they are attracted to each other (11 year olds aren’t too young for that) and that could create complicated and, again, embarrassing feelings for the kids further down the line. I’d really resent you for that if I were her.

She’s 11—a child, not a tiny adult with to weigh in on your personal life. Why are you even entertaining this level of conversation with her?
Honestly, the odds of something sparking between you and that man are far higher than her “relationship” with a boy surviving past next week. Kids don’t need to be managing your love life, she better focus on in which set she's in at school not who her mother is dating.

You’re the grown-up here. No child would be asking me questions like “is something going on?” without me shutting that down immediately. If you let this slide, you’ll end up with a teenager who thinks she can run your entire life. Set the boundary now.

Good to see everyone’s missing the point.

Is he single.

Don't involve the children, date casually. Certainly don't involve your daughter.

Get a grip. Plenty of 11 year olds have boyfriends. At that age it is innocent first baby steps into having a particular friend they are attracted to, holding hands and hanging out during break times, not hot and steamy sex behind the bike sheds.

@MH04 just take it slowly. Same as you would any other new relationship where kids are potentially involved. If it works out, odds are that the kids have 'split up', long before it becomes important to your relationship.

Maybe concentrate on your kids. Letting an eleven year old have a bf is worrying. Where is her dad

A lot of 11 year olds and younger refer to having boyfriends and girlfriends now days. It’s not something that’s encouraged but you can’t point blank ‘not allow’ it when lots of their friends are using the same term.
On a practical note, are they year 6 and likely to go to different secondary schools? Just thinking that might bring a natural close to their friendship.
I think I would be continuing with the friendship side of things, making it as natural as possible, and then just seeing where it might go. Maybe if you tread carefully you can still keep everyone happy.

Don't get romantic with the parents of your kid's friends/bfs.

It will mess up their friendships/relationships.

That said, dating at 11? Cringe.

Too late, the 11yr old knows

Why would you resent you Mum seeing your bf's Dad?