Adult children of problem drinkers

[Namechange32123]

I’m read another thread on here about a DH being sensitive about OP having a drink.

this struck an accord with me because I too would be and do get upset/sensitive around drink. I drink myself but it is very limited, I grew up with a problem drinker in the house and now care for the problem drinker. As a result I am sensitive about drink and all the problems it brings. I totally recognise this is my issue and have and still do work hard on controlling my emotions around this.

point of thread…. I wondered other adult children of problem drinkers how how has your childhood affected your adult life?

I am an adult child of a problem drinker. Took me many years to realise that I am not the same person as my problem drinker parent. I feared for a long time that I would inherit the problem but now I do enjoy alcohol sensibly. So the effects on me are not related to my own consumption of alcohol.
But I do have issues aplenty. Trust issues from believing they had changed so many times when they hadn't. People pleasing from just pretending to let it go to let it go or to make the post drunken argument tension go away quicker. Always thinking people are angry with me from the unending tension and toxicity in the home because of the drinking. Catastrophising minor disagreements with my own DH expecting it to escalate to extreme rows (never does of course, he's amazing) because of the horrendous drink induced arguments that took place. I've tried to work on them but I can't see them every truly going away tbh. It sucks that we're left with all of this.

The more I read in to it all the more I can see the lasting affects, consistently feel like I am egg shells. I could happily go through life without drinking, I do drink but it’s limited.

I realised my mother was an alcoholic when I was in my early 20s. Although she did get a grip and sober up after a very difficult 10 to 15 years, I'd lost any sense of trust in her. The resulting effect on me is that we just never had a good relationship, I never truly forgave her for the worry and shame it brought on me. I didn't have a good relationship with my father either (different story) and it's made me quite a tough, independent person. I know my DH would describe me as a little distant.

I'm hyper alert to drunkeness - can't stand it. I get up and leave as soon as I realise people are getting out of control on nights out etc. I particularly have no truck with people who get rambly and weepy on me!

I have an alcoholic drink a couple of times a year because although I don’t dislike the taste, I hate the possibility of not being in control or of not being able to drive if I needed to. I think I worry about this more than I friends do as they seem happy to have a drink at home or don’t question it so much. So I think I have grown up seeing alcohol as something to be feared.

My dad was a bad alcoholic and I can smell alcohol on people immediately.

I used to drink quite heavily, wouldn't call myself an alcoholic but binge drank. I could never drink very much and made a fool out of myself when drunk so I stopped.

I have no patience with addicts, meaning I'd never get involved with one. However I was codependent for years before I read up on it and tried to change.

I think one of the worst aspects of growing up in an alcoholic household apart from the shame, was the gaslighting. We weren't allowed to mention it and things we experienced didn't happen.

I'm very similar to you but the problem drinker passed away over a decade ago. I am very sensitive to drinking and the effects on relationships and feel on edge around people drinking. Specifically male partners drinking. It's caused issues in the past but I'm a long time single now so it doesn't matter. I do drink occasionally but it's rare-I've had 3 drinks this Christmas and didn't finish the first one of those.

The drinking left a huge imprint on my psyche and I don't think it will ever leave me. I've made peace with my childhood in the main but the damage is probably irreparable.

I found I was on high alert for any signs of alcohol dependence in a partner. Comments such as they couldn't wait to get home so they could have a gin and tonic, how they needed it to relax etc put me on edge. To me that's not normal behaviour and signifies a psychological dependence on alcohol.