Why do I feel so guilty

[56brumm]

Hi, was in an awful relationship with a man who mentally, financially, emotionally abused me. All the typical things you see like gas lighting manipulation untill I completely lost my self.

He blocked me and got with some one else no word from him for 6 months. He left me crushed destroyed and broken. After 6 months he came back spent 6 months trying to convince me he had changed. I give him one last chance but mentallly stronger (not strong enough because I give him a chance) after a few months he started playing up.

I ended it. He's spent the last 6 months on and off begging.

Over the Christmas hols he has emailed me because I've got him blocked on every thing. Sending me 30 emails a day begging crying telling me he was suicidal. I've reframed from replying but he said it was making him worse. I replied last night saying if this keeps up I'll will speak with a solicitor.

He's now stopped and hopefully for good.

Why do I feel so guilty and sad.

I just want him out of my mind forever. It's been 6 years of hell.

He said I was loving this but I'm really not I've felt run down and sad. And even after every thing I feel terrible and guilty

Guilty? What for?

You are the victim here.

Don’t respond to any more contact and if you do. Report to the police straight away for harrassment /unwanted contact, they can only act on an harrassment charge if you do not respond..

He's trying to control you and guilt-trip you. You have nothing to feel guilty about. He's dangerous for your mental health, you should see him as an enemy whose actions have not allowed you to move on. You don't deserve such a horrible person in your life💐

You’re feeling guilty because someone who wants to destroy you is trying his utmost to make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for it.

I wonder if there’s a trauma bond between you? You reach the point where you feel attached to someone even though you want to move on.

Yes I've been dealing with it in therapy for a couple of years. I know I can't diagnose but covert narcissistic traits definitely trauma bonded. I feel utterly sick how he treated me. But the minute he says he's upset I crumble. This is in the best place I've been with it all some what to day I feel really down. I feel ashamed because I was doing so well then I replied back and said why would I want some one who hurt me so much . Deep down I know he will be loving that I said it.

You feel guilty because he’s trying to make you feel guilty, that’s why. He’s very experienced in manipulating your emotions to bend your will to his.
I don’t think you need advice as you know blocking, ignoring and if all else fails then reporting is the right thing to do, I think you just need a load of strangers to tell you this.
Keep up the no contact. You’re doing the right thing. Return to this thread and re-read the comments as and when your resolve wains.

I believe my XH is a covert narcissist too. I know the term gets bandied around a lot on here, but they do exist and there’s a difference between NPD and having narcissistic tendencies. Talking therapy helps. It’s worth looking at somatic therapy and there’s things you can do yourself.
This is a good starting point: psychcentral.com/lib/somatic-therapy-exercises-for-trauma