Anxious, overwhelmed & alone

[Starlightgone]

I’ve been a single mum for many years. My Ds left home a few months ago for work . Very proud but miss him a lot.
I have no local friends, no relationship, no family and nothing in common with my work colleagues.
I get overwhelmed easily- things a work which might seem trivial to others take me over s I can barely think of anything else. I dont make friends easily and can appear aloof, l need my own space but get lonely, am particularly about my personal spaces /positions in a room if sitting, can’t bear fakeness and just feel I don’t in. I worry a lot about making mistakes at work , I used to have career job before DS but now feel i couldn’t possibly do any more than the fairly lowly job I do now. I also have ocd re checking things. I just wish I didn’t “feel” so much. I’ve tried ssris, counselling, cbt, hypnotherapy to try to help with my head bit nothing works. A couple of SSRIs have helped dull things a bit in the past but I would t take them as I’m worried about if I ever need antibiotics as they interact and can cause heart issues. Can anyone suggest anything - medication or otherwise that might help, please?

Just wondering if you're neurodiverse? It might be worth considering if you are if you haven't? Wouldn't necessarily change much but could possibly take the self-imposed pressure off you in at least you'd know why and perhaps be able to have reasonable adjustments at work etc. Masking costs a lot of mental energy.

It sounds like you have a lot of generalised anxiety OP. I know you havd tried it before but l would try counselling again focusing on your anxiety. You also sound as though you are an introvert ( a lot of the best people are!) but there will be other introverts like you looking for friendship too. Do you have any interests or hobbies that you enjoy? Also do you have any pets as they can provide a source of company and comfort, especially as you are probably missing your son.

@category12 yes I have considered I might be but never attempted a diagnosis. I’m not sure a diagnosis would help now and from what I’ve heard it takes years on the nhs. I accept that my mind works a bit differently to many others!

@Seaoftroubles yes I’m definitely an introvert. When I had close friends in the past, I can appear extrovert. It’s been good for me to understand why I need my space, etc due to introversion.

Bump..

OP, l did wonder about you possibly being N.D too, do you have any special interests or hobbies? If so this can be a great source of connection with others who enjoy the same things, even if online and not in person.

I was diagnosed autistic at age 50 ,had a 3 year wait on NHS..I used that time to read lots and come to terms with it .
It gave me permission to stop being so hard on myself and I could start to predict a bit how I would react in certain situations,so I could either cut myself some slack or avoid them.its a huge relief being able to understand yourself and give yourself permission to go easy on yourself

I also realised that I was autistic in my early fifties and like Newyearpug it is quite a life changer to be able to suddenly understand yourself. I am not going to get a diagnosis as it seems so obvious now. I live as if I am autistic and it explains everything.

Sometimes menopause can cause anxiety…might be worth checking into that too. I hope things get easier for you OP

Sorry to hear you're struggling. You might find the Wrong Planet website helpful re possibly being neurodiverse https://wrongplanet.net/

Your post seems to assume there's something wrong with you, but perhaps it's at least partly the environment you're in and how it fits you? Is your workplace somewhere where mistakes are not easily tolerated for example? Change feels scary if you're generally anxious, but could you access counselling to help you begin thinking about changing parts of your life so you have opportunities to feel more connected with like-minded people, more fulfilled and engaged?

@Ramblethroughthebrambles thanks, I’ll have a look

Anyone there this morning?🙏

Join neurodiverse groups, find your tribe.

Make a habit of telling those you trust about the things you find difficult so they can accommodate you, this might also be useful to keeping friends so that they understand that the way you are is not personal and you’re not pushing them away or being deliberately cold when you need your own spaces.

What is it that you want, OP? What would you like your life to look like?

@Nexushub thats a good idea, thank you.

@Quinto id like my life to be along the lines of:
feeling happy or at least comfortable at work
a few close local friends
a partner, initially to just see at weekends.

What steps can you take to help these things happen? Is the issue at work your mindset or the type of work environment — are mistakes particularly problematic? What would these friendships look like? What kinds of people do you like, and what do you bring to a friendship? How often would you want to see them or be in contact? The same questions apply for a relationship? Are you mostly interested in something casual? Would you want to live together eventually or not?

I’m just aware that you’ve said you need your own space, are very concerned about sitting positions in a room and have OCD. I wondered how these impact on relationships in general.

@Quinto
its the work environment- I like my actual job.
Friends - maybe some weekends, people in the past have said I’m fun to be with, good at planning get togethers, trustworthy, easy to talk to.
Relationship - not sure about living with someone, initially just seeing them a couple of times a week.

@Quinto yes, I’m sure all my unusual traits do make friendships & relationships more difficult

I’ve been thinking about my childhood a lot today - I think if it were now, I my behaviour would probably hand triggered an assessment. Hair sucking/twiddling, not enjoying playing games, preferring a chat with an adult. As a teenager needing time away from friend group, not making many new friends. The thought of a girls holiday - unbearable as I’d need space.

Getting an assessment might help you at work. Although you probably can ask for 'reasonable adjustments' even if you're not formally diagnosed. Some employers are very good with it.

Have a think about what practical changes might make you more comfortable at work. Like I use noise-cancelling headphones and stuff like that.