Should I be annoyed at his drunk behaviour

[Anotherusername2016]

partner (42) went out last night. He was going out of town and last trains back were 9:00 and 10:00. He said when he left late afternoon he didn’t know which train he would get home. I woke up at 12:30am as the dog was poorly and coughing, he wasn’t home so I just txt to ask where he was, I got a response back that said I’m home. He clearly wasn’t home so I phoned him, he was very drunk and said he would be home in 10 mins. I stayed up with the dog for a while then went back to bed but I couldn’t sleep, an hour later I phoned him again as he still wasn’t home, he said he was almost home but he had walked the wrong way home. I’m annoyed this morning, he should at least apologise for very poor communication, I said what if I acted this way would he be happy and he said he wouldn’t be bothered.

So where did he end up spending the night?

Unless this is a regular occurrence then I’d let it go. I wouldn’t be annoyed either.

He eventually came home and said he was just at the pub

its not regular occurrence but it’s been a on/off problem for a while. 10 years ago his dad even spoke to him about how drunk he gets. After a night away with friends a few years ago where he was stupidly drunk I now avoid nights away with him if drink will be involved. But it’s not monthly issue or anything.

This is an ongoing issue for him of at least a decade; his father spoke to him about his drinking. However, talking to this man about his drinking anyway is about as effective an action as peeing in the ocean.

It does not have to be a monthly issue either; it's how it affects you that is important here. He did not care that you were awake with the dog and lost sleep. Do you want to remain with him because he will continue to get drunk and if he does not see it as a problem there is nothing you can do either to make him sees differently. What are you getting out of this relationship with him?.

What time does the pub close? How many hours was he missing for after the pub closed? Sounds a bit suss.

The pub was open till 2:00am. I know it does sound a bit suss but I do trust him. My annoyance if more due to the lack of communication and how drunk he gets, he said he can’t even remember sending me the txt saying he was home.

Yes your right about the talking to him about this as being as effective as peeing in the ocean 😂

Why do you trust him?.

Do you trust him not to get drunk again?. He was that drunk he could not remember sending you a text message to say he was home (when he in fact was not).

How drunk he gets is not your issue to solve. You are not his rehab centre nor his support human. His dad spoke to this man, his son, about his drinking a decade ago to no avail and I would argue that your man's attitude has not changed since. If he will not address his drinking and the causes behind same no-one can do that for him (as his dad has already seen).

I see what you mean. So thank you for your comments.

I don’t want to tell anyone they can’t get drunk. But blind drunk is something else. We agreed last year if he has more than 4 pints he sleeps on the sofa bed, due to him snoring and being a menace (he has had wee in the bedroom a few times)
I honestly just thought he would grow out of it.

Are you financially entangled and do you have DC?

Yes and yes.. DC 9 and DC 6

Well he isn’t going to grow out if it. He doesn’t have a problem—you do.

You can't really expect communication from someone who gets blind drunk.
He obviously lacks self-control, so the most he'll be able to tell you is 'don't wait up darling, I'm not leaving until I'm thoroughly pissed'. Anything else would likely be a lie, so what will you actually do with that information?
He can't even remember texting you, he says.

If I knew he was staying out that late I would have given the dog his medication before I went to bed.
ive suggested before if he is going to get blind drunk it’s maybe better for him to stay at a friends or like he does sleep on the sofa.

Have you tried contacting one of the organisations that support families of alcoholics: Al-anon is the most well known but there are others.

You and your children shouldn't have to put up with this behaviour. The very fact he can't be trusted to sleep in the bedroom when he drinks because he uses it as a toilet is enough alone to show what a serious problem he has with alcohol.

If where he went was so far away he had to get a train, how was he suddenly able to walk home? Why didn't he get a taxi?

For a man in his 40s to be getting blind drunk, peeing in the bedroom multiple times, not caring about you or the idea of you being in that situation, the whole thing adds up to a pretty disgusting story. He obviously has a binge drinking problem even if not drinking every day.

You have a drunk. It doesn't matter what he tells you, assume it means nothing once he starts drinking. Give the dog his medication, go to bed and forget about him.

He has no business pissing around other people's houses, so he's right to come home.

Until you've had enough, this is your man and your life, so you'll need to source some support from the relevant agencies as to how you cope. You can't change his behaviours and he seems even less inclined to change. A sorry state of affairs for you and your lovely children.

I guess what I really wanted was for him just to ask how I was, how the dog was, and maybe just maybe for himself to admit that being so drunk is an issue.

but from reading the comments I know that’s asking too much from him.

Thank you all for your comments.

This is problem drinking. I second contacting Al Anon. 💐💐

Al Anon might be very helpful for you OP. I'm so sorry.