I have been unhappy in my relationship (now marriage) for coming up 3 years. I have felt like a victim of emotional abuse in this time. In short, he has regular meltdowns where he name calls and says horrible things to me such as we should never have had our child, I make him miserable etc. Nothing in particular sets off these meltdowns then the next day or two he is normal again. At first, these meltdowns used to upset me and I’d feel like it was all my fault and that I needed to somehow do better to keep him happy. As time went on, I realised it wasn’t me that was the problem, it was him. I have lived with a lot of uncertainty and not knowing where I stand because he has threatened to leave countless times. I have recently come to realise I don’t love him like I should, I do care about him deeply but I love him like a friend. I don’t feel I get any fulfilment from my marriage but what has kept me in it is an almost sentimental familiarity (we have been together since we were teens, so over 15 years now) and financial security (which I do feel is important as we have a small child). I have also come to realise I don’t find him attractive anymore and don’t enjoy sex with him and i don’t think I have for years. I have expressed the fact that I have felt like leaving due to feeling unhappy with the way he has treated me and he has apologised and explained the reason he has done it is because he wanted a reaction because of not feeling wanted. I am in my early 30s and feel like I am missing out on my life because I feel like I could do better and I don’t feel like we have a connection anymore and we are not compatible (he also says we are not compatible as we have quite different personalities). I prefer doing things without him as it just feels less stressful. The obvious thing to do is to “try” now that we’ve addressed the problem but to do so is taking a risk of potentially wasting more precious time in a situation where I may never feel truly happy. He has said he will change and get help (although nothing has changed thus far). However just to complicate things further, I’m having an affair which started physically a couple of weeks ago and emotionally a couple of months ago. The other man is so much more like me personality wise and is an absolutely amazing lover. He wants to be with me properly and sees us with a future together and is happy to eventually be a step dad to my child. I’m not a fantasist and I am certainly not prepared to leave my husband and move straight in with the other man. I feel it’s best I don’t rush into anything with anybody and get on my own two feet first. But I keep going round and round in circles with what to do for the best because what do I choose? A life of independence, a life with the other man, or an unhappy but “comfortable/familiar” life with my husband for the sake of my child. I know you’ll all say because I’ve cheated I’ve made my bed and go lie in it. I promise I have to put up with a lot to get to this point and I am disgusted at my actions but in my mind I think I mentally left my husband at least a year ago. It’s the next steps I’m struggling with.