Husband advice

[OnePeppyBlueCrow]

My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on christmas eve. We were due to go on holiday with my in laws and wider family on boxing day for 10 days. I couldn't go and leave my mum after this devastating news. My husband went and took our 1 year old with him. How do I forgive him? Am I wrong to be angry and feel like I have been abandoned in my time of need?

First up, I'm so sorry about your mum 😞

I presume there was a discussion between you & DH before he went off with your child? I can see both sides to be honest, maybe he felt that you would be best to stay with your mum so you could be there as support for her and you'd get a break from the DC? Also I'm presuming a holiday abroad at Christmas isn't cheap so he might have thought it best to make the most of it as best he could rather than loose out on all the money it cost?

I totally understand how shocking the news is for you, but maybe he did what he thought was best for you and your mum?

Thanks, I needed this. My emotions are just all over the place. I did agree for him to go but while they've been away it's just been so so hard. I know he only did it as he thought it would help. Thanks again.

Of course your emotions are haywire, you've had a terrible shock. If your relationship is normally good then perhaps you've just let it all get on top of you (which is totally understandable)
Be easy on yourself. I hope your mum has a good care plan and that you can enjoy some time with her

So sorry about your Mum, what awful news for her and for you. l can understand why you feel deserted by your husband but l don't expect he'd have gone on the holiday if you hadn't said it was ok. Very tough for you but at least you have been able to concentrate on your dear Mum and give her your undivided love and support. I expect you miss your little one too so its been extra hard for you. Only a few days until they are back and you are together again. Xx

I can see both sides too. Time was taken off work, everything was paid for.
Your husband is going to have lots of opportunities to support you and your family in the coming months/ years. It’s bad timing.

I think your anger at your husband is misdirected sadness. You’re shocked and sad that your mum is so unwell and as your husband is emotionally safe for you, you’re focusing on him rather than recognising your true emotional state. Anger is an easy emotion whilst sadness, not so much. Often anger is actually covering up deep hurt and that’s probably what’s happening here. I’d say instead of being angry with your husband, focus on how you really feel and when he comes home, allow him to support you by being open about how you feel, recognising your feelings are yours and not caused by your husband. I’m sorry your mum is unwell and hope you can get some support to help you and your mum get through this time together.

He went on a ten day solo holiday with a one year old. Sounds like fun. Perhaps he was a bit conflicted in the sense your mom might need you but not necessarily him. I think you should have been direct, told him to stay and forget about the holiday. It's nobody's fault though at the end of the day.