Im 50, had my heart broken for the time,how do i go on 😪

[Milkandcornflakes]

Hi everyone,i having an horrendous time,i need help and have no one to talk to.Im not looking or wanting a relationship due to historic abuse and being cheated on previously.i have a 13year old son with severe autism so rarely go out.ive been friends on facebook with a guy for 5years,sharing posts and things on groups,on the run up to xmas he got quite flirty and told me he found me very attractive and always has.
Hes not my cup of tea physically so i never thought of him like that before,i love everything about him,never felt like this before.i would find myself smiling throughout the day,he told me he felt like a love sick teenager.Hes been hurt before but we never go into full detail of what we have been through,ive seen lots of photos of me and him the same.But its all gone wrong!
He asked for a video call on New years Eve, we had been messaging each other the previous night non stop for hours and hours.
I had a few drinks for dutch courage so video called him and he barely said anything and found it difficult to look at the camera,im shy but being tipsy i overtalked i think.
After 15mins i looked and he was falling asleep!! I was mortifield! He was hinting that he had work to do ( he tracks people online) so we mutally ended the call, i texted him 15mins later and asked him if he still fancied me now he knows im not a catfish and he says "yes of course,lets build a friendship"wtf we have been friends for years.im sooo embarassed,the next day he was online on our groups and posting and ignored me apart from sharing a few things.
Ive barely slept cant eat,ive deleted all my socials,am i over reacting? Am i in love? I lve never been like this before its awfull,i miss him but im angry also that ive let myself get into this state over a man who lives over 2hrs away..should i cut him off for good? He hasnt got my number,i keep crying on and off.please someome be straight with me xx

Sorry for typos,im still emotional

sounds like you made you’re self vulnerable to someone else.

I think in all honesty you don’t fancy or like him… as you don’t much socialise he has become important for socialisation.

Him falling asleep on a video call on NYE is unfortunate but, please, get some perspective.

What happened with the relationship with the father of your son?

I personally don’t believe you can be that in love with someone that you’ve never actually met . It sounds like he was your bit of escapism from daily life and that looks like it’s now finished and that is what you are missing . Block him on social media and resolve to get yourself out a bit more , join some groups etc and actually meet people in real life not fantasy FB land .

Yes,you are right thankyou,,he made me laugh and was very supportive but i believe ive been used for his titalation and the novelty has worn off for him

I couldnt believe it honestly falling asleep 😡 the father of my son was cheating when i was being treated for breast cancer 8years ago,i have zero tolerance for thst,so i got rid of him

Good advice thankyou,im never getting in this kind of situation again

Well it's not him falling asleep is it, it's the rejection OP feels from the massive change in him since the call. I'm so sorry OP, you don't need to delete your socials but I definitely wouldn't be involved with this guy any more. The hurt will fade over time. He's obviously a dick not to explain himself etc.

@Milkandcornflakes Hey I've been in a similar situation years ago and used to get myself in a right old state feeling rejected and devastated. You are vulnerable so don't turn on yourself thinking you're a terrible person. Two hours away is not that far for you two to have met up already. There's probably a reason you haven't. He may well have been pissed himself to fall asleep. Just don't blame yourself. It's all just part of our life's tapestry and we are always learning about ourselves and others. Be kind to yourself because you deserve to! 🫶

It’s easy to find yourself there, many of us have done it. It’s OK to feel sorry for yourself in these circumstances because messaging so much gives a sense of intimacy that maybe isn’t actually there. Just try and find ways to fill your time and eventually it will fade.

If you didn't find him attractive until after he said he had feelings / was attracted to you then I think that's very telling!

Is it possible that rather than actually being in love with him you were swept off your feet by the idea that someone wanted you/ wanted to give you attention/ be in a relationship with you?

While you have told yourself that you don't want a relationship because of your previous bad experiences it sounds like there is a part of you that does want that kind of connection again (we're social animals, it's rare that someone genuinely doesn't want any kind of relationship).

It's that hurt, vulnerable part of you that is exposed at the moment. You're not in love with him but perhaps you should focus on healing from the pain of your shitty cheating ex so that you can be open to a healthy relationship in the future, rather than trying avoid all relationships or falling for the first guy to flatter you.

Thanks you lovely lot! Im not sure why im not allowed to respond to each other you individually,you ladies are strong! I bloody love mumsnet! Yes its his treatment after that shocked me after being so full on! Thanks for you kindness and also for giving it to me straight! X

Sounds like he love bombed you to get you to like him. Either for titilation purposes or, to feed his ego. Then lost interest.

It's probably a good thing he's blown cold as he sounds like a head wrecker.

Oh it’s so hard isn’t it? You build things up in your head and get hopeful and it’s a lovely distraction.
Nothing wrong with you. People are just disappointing! He sounds like a bit of a fantasist. Loves the chat and the chase but not able to follow it through. Keep your head up and you’ll soon be over it and a bit more wary if there’s a next time.

It’s rubbish when the ones who seemed ok are dicks. Sometimes it’s really not you

Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape if he can operate like that.

Rejection is sometimes God’s protection.

Take heart, I’ve been there, and you’ll meet someone better who you’re way more into, and he’ll become a distant memory.

It happened that I accidentally socially bumped into a guy that did similar to me, it had been 8 years. I found someone smiling at me, and I had to take a moment to recall who that was, then it clicked. I waved across the room briefly and smiled back, and got back to my conversation, and promptly forgot about him again. That day will come for you, too. And it will come sooner if you distract yourself with plenty of self care… bubble baths, hair and nails done, happy music, long walks, healthy meals, watch a favourite comfy show… anything and everything that makes you feel good.

I promise you it works. And such a satisfying feeling when you realise just how forgettable and irrelevant they’ve become.

It only took 4 months to forget about him, at which point I met someone new who blew him out of the water.