Reep what you sow

[Essieloulou]

My husband goes to work, its not strenous work, then comes home and goes to bed until teas ready, then stays up all night playing games on his phone,does no housework etc , i go to work come home, do tea , take the dogs out do all the housework take care of tbe rest of the family, so i think tgis year i will get myself some hobbies, and just pretend he isnt there, thats fair isnt it?

I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve. You need to deal head on with the useless lump you've lumbered yourself with.

He's acting like a teenager and you're enabling his behaviour. Before you speak to him, work out where you stand should you split, housing, finances etc

Then sit him down and say that you want change or you want to split. You're no longer facilitating his lifestyle so he's going to have to pull his weight. You take turns cooking, he does the weekly shop and you both meal plan etc etc

He either shapes up or ships out.

Ive tried all of that, didnt work, i thInk im at the point now that i just dont care anymore , and im finding it peaceful when he is sleeping and im awake vis versa , so really tHat leaves us nowwhere i suppose

Then you're at a crossroads. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with an overgrown teenager or would you rather be by yourself?

Tbh i would rather be by myself , do the thibgs i want to do and not spend my life cleaning up after him, but starting over again is daunting

Wikivorce

Divorce - Citizens Advice

Gingerbread

Turn2us

Happy New Year

Do you never do anything together at all?

It does sound grim and I don’t blame you at all for wanting more.

I suppose if you’ve accepted there is nothing there then crack on a build a life for you - hobbies support social all set up and in time you maybe able to move out?

You said take care of family, do you have older children living with you?

Yes it’s daunting, and you don’t have to do it immediately but you only get one life, maybe start making plans for a better life?
My sister deeply regrets staying with her H for an extra 10 years when she knew she no longer loved him and he was very emotionally abusive. She didn’t leave until she as in her 50s and dc had left home but now thinks she was vey wrong to stay.

We went away for the weekend last week, i went out on my own as he said his knee was playing up, but he was able to walk to the pub on the evening lol, other than that he stayed in bed and played on his game whilst i went out mooching , i have one older chikd living with me , my child

How would you fit hobbies in if you are doing all that though? If he's leaving all the household/pet work to you, can he pay for some help? Dog walker, cleaner, takeaways etc. Is it feasible to just cook for yourself, or eat out without him, just do your own laundry not his, generally stop being a dogsbody to claim some time back?
If you have zero interaction with each other and that suits you, carry on, but bear in mind he might dump you anyway when you stop doing all the work and he finds another willing slave (you'll probably find he's done you a favour).

It’s like a slow painful silent rejection but the sounds of it (familiar with this family related though)

would it be viable for you and your child to live together - are they able to contribute financially

it’s maybe ducks in order time?

he sounds like he takes more than he gives from your life together

This is very true

I have thought about that, my so would have to live with me, he doesnt work he is on pip has autism, so theres no way he could live alone

About once a month, you start a thread about your awful husband, @Essieloulou

And he is awful. But he won’t change. If you want things to be different, you’re going to have to be the one who leaves him.

No joint dc? Even easier.. Change the WiFi password next time you leave the house and he stays in.. Deny all knowledge...
Every time..
While you plan your new life. Exchange the word daunting for exciting imo....

So you’d rather stay where you are with man you can’t stand and stuck in a miserable rut than cut yourself free and have the chance to make a better life on your own?

Personally I think staying in a sham dead no hope non relationship is wasting your life and that’s more daunting than being single