Trouble with love

[thescorpio]

Hi,

this post is a bit random and may come off as a bit of a rant but I’m nearly 30 and have been in 2 serious relationships and had a fair few flings.

my first serious relationship was a young love met at 16 were happy but I ended it at age 21 as we started to feel more like best friends and I thought there was more to love out there for me. He was super caring, sensitive and was heartbroken when I ended things

fast forward I meet my now partner at age 23. He was a bit of a bad boy and I think that’s what drew me in. Bit of a bad history but we went forward, had lovely holidays moved in together and have now had a baby. We do get on really well when we’re good but he is quite stubborn and quite a hard person to live with ( a lot of people ask how I do it). Thing is he’s a great dad I can’t fault him, and as I said we have fun together but do argue. But he has never really been the type to be ultra caring and loving, he’s protective and loves us but not in the caring way.

my point is I’m not 100% happy again! I went from an ultra caring loving boy who I just didn’t fancy anymore to a strong protective man which is what I thought I wanted And I still feel like there’s more out there, like why am I settling when I could have a better relationship.

Is it me? Am I just thinking the grass will always be greener?

I'd say a bit of both, a bit of grass greener / probably brooding on something missing from what you have. So you think you know what it is you want that your relationship lacks?

@GarrynotsoGorilla

thing is I want someone who is caring and affectionate towards me (not in a sexual way) because my partner is not that at all. He’s pretty non emotional, tells me he hasn’t cried since he was a child kind of thing.
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even though I had that with my first relationship, in the end I wasn’t really attracted to him, maybe i thought it was he was to emotional so I went for the opposite but now I’m older and have a child I realise I do need someone who cares for me and looks after me more than just financially and physically.

@thescorpio have you tried talking about this to him? I assume the cry statement was part of that conversation. Affection is massively important to me, so understand where you are coming from, and like you say not just the sex, but the kisses, cuddles, thoughtfulness.
Do you feel happy day to day or is this something that is making you down? How old is your child? If you were to leave what are your thoughts on the impact to them. There are lots of things to consider here. Have you met someone who you think could be that one? Is this triggering your feelings?

@GarrynotsoGorilla yes lots of times, he just says it’s just the way he is and that’s it. He does sometimes cuddle and stuff but it’s also about you know if I’m emotional about something he’s not really bothered because he doesn’t understand as he’s not like that. He doesn’t look after me when I’m stick or even wrap my presents on my birthday. and we have been over this time and time again.

but generally if we’re not arguing we get on well, like the same shows, can talk about future ideas and stuff, we do have a laugh and I can be silly around him and him to but I always do think what it would be like to be cared for like that again, and it’s something I will never get with him.

our baby is 1 so very young still and i would be heartbroken for him to be the reason he doesn’t live with his dad, because as I said he’s a good dad. And no there’s no one else or that I’ve had an eye on, just from seeing others and for the care I had in previous relationship

@thescorpio i get it, you just need him to put effort into the relationship, to see when you are down and ask you to talk about it. I get the impression this is an area where you are both quite different. Maybe you need to meet in the middle a little? Do you think you have any close friends who can provide the emotional support? And then maybe it is more about him being more thoughtful? Wrapping presents, buying flowers, sorting dates?