Gifts

[MamaMia42]

I bought some gifts for my partner of 10 months but I can’t seem to give them to him. I was in an abusive relationship for many years and whenever I got something he criticised it and would belittle me. My new partner is a lovely man but I’ve obviously been left with a feeling of never being good enough hence the reason I can’t give him his gifts. How can I get the confidenice to give him the gifts ?

If your previous relationship was abusive then presumably the criticism and belittling when you bought things for your partner were part of the bigger pattern of abusive relationship. So if your current partner is a totally different type of person and your relationship with him is good then really the likelihood of him reacting in a similar way is very very slim. And you need to remind yourself of this. That your current partner will be much much more likely to give a " normal" pleased reaction to your gifts than any other.
Perhaps if you have bought him multiple gifts you could try just giving him one of them and when you see your fears were unfounded you can give him the others.

Only really unpleasant people criticise and belittle when they’ve been given a gift. Sadly it seems that your ex was one of these people. The good news is that you’ve ditched him and your new partner sounds very different so the chances are he will not only not do the horrible stuff but he will also be grateful and pleased that you’ve bought him some gifts. It will also be a lovely feeling for you to do something nice for someone and for them to appreciate it. It would be a real shame for both of you to miss out on that happiness because a joyless idiot ex puts you off from moving forward. Don’t let him have that power anymore.

A final thought- I really, really don’t think this will happen, but if your partner did turn his nose up at your gifts, that would tell you an awful lot about him that it would be better to know now than in two years’ time.

Give him the gifts, enjoy the pleasure it will give you both and then tell him what you’ve told us here so he’s aware how affected you are. All the best.