Online Dating - Experience of slow fades please

[GreenPoet]

Hello,
Ive been OLD since mid November. First person I talked to was creepy so I cancelled our date. Second one we got on super well, organised a date and he cancelled last minute, never heard again from him. Third I wasn’t feeling, but agreed to meet, went ok but didn’t feel a spark. I told him but he carried on texting and eventually persuaded me to meet up again, I ended up sleeping with him and no surprises he slow faded.
I’ve since started talking to someone and he is so easy to talk to, he definitely isn’t my usual type but the attraction has definitely grown because of how much I like him as a person. We’ve met up twice, once for a walk and once for coffee. No kisses.
He has been single for quite a while and I THINK he might be a bit nervous for any sort of intimacy/contact. I’m 36f, 2 kids, he is 40 also 2 kids.
over the last few days, he has seemed a bit distant. Still sending messages, the messages have reduced in amount but we couldn’t really keep up the level we had been and I know that: but something just feels a bit off, a bit of a gut feeling he might be losing interest. We are out for tea tonight, but I’ve got it in my head he is going to cancel. I dunno why but I can’t shake it. would a bloke still go on a date if he was loosing interest. He used to text on a morning just to kind of say hope you slept well but none of that the last few days. He did text last night to say he wished I was with him. But he also isn’t being anywhere near as flirty as he had been or asking questions. I dunno whether I’ve come across too much for him.
I came out of a marriage where my husband had an affair and did gas light me quite a lot so I’m possibly looking for problems and an element of self sabotage.
i do feel like I am starting to like him a bit and I hate feeling vulnerable like that, worried I’m just going to end up upset.
I was getting a matches on OLD but that’s really gone down and at the moment he is the only person I’m talking to/dating, but I’ve got no other matches so just talking to other people to distract me isn’t really happening.
Are gut feelings usually right?

Usual fade story. Texting isn’t a relationship or will build one.

Be human - Phone/meet!

So you think this is fading? We are meant to be meeting tonight. Have met twice in the last week.

If you base your hopes on volumes of texting then it will fade. You need to meet and talk and be human. Your thumbs offer so little.

I don't know if this one will cancel but my distinct impression is that you're spending too much time messaging and are not firm enough when it's a 'thanks but no thanks'. It's why lacklustre matches often fizzle out. They're kept going as people get used to the company and false intimacy of having someone to text or talk to. You (general you) then take the rejection more personally than is really merited given that you've met the person only a few times.

I understand it's hard arranging dates around four kids but aim to meet quickly and regularly and maybe build up to messaging and getting to know each other alongside dates not instead of.

You're looking for real life romance, not a texting partner.

I think it can be normal for the amount of messages to reduce after a while or once you've met, when some of the initial 'getting to know the person' type of questions have been discussed, and all that is left is the 'how's your day going' sort of stuff. Just see how it goes today, but perhaps don't sleep with him yet if you feel like you're getting attached and he's possibly losing interest, would only hurt more if he fades away completely after having had sex.

OP. Just meet this evening and look forward to it. Get nervous about how exciting it is.

go about your day and stop wishing your life away on how many texts are coming.

Thanks for the replies. Completely in agreement about too much texting but we have met a few times. We’ve been speaking for about 2 weeks and met twice and tonight (hopefully going ahead) will be the third. The bloke I slept with was very forward and kissed me on the first date, albeit very unexpectedly so I dunno what to think about the fact we haven’t kissed yet either.

The amount of texting is likely to decrease once you start meeting in person. But I think you are putting too much store in the early weeks of OLD when people are often meeting several people. Some people will fade in and out depending on how much they like others dates.

That might seem unpleasant compared to how people used to meet people which tended to be dating one person, finishing with them and then dating another person, whereas OLD is a numbers game and you can’t expect to be the only person your date is seeing. He’s still meeting you tonight so you’re still in the game.

Depending on how your evening goes you might want to raise the subject of monogamy and playing the field