He isn't helping me with house/child?

[Kylie10987]

I've broke up with my daughters dad of 5 years.

During our 5 years, he's gambled most of my money (got help but Im suspicious he's doing it again as he's getting secretive with money).

We still live in a 1 bed flat with our 3.5 year old BECAUSE of his "past" addiction.

Anyway, I gave him another chance (this was march 2023 when he stole 10 grand off me, got that drunk he forgot about our child and came back home and pushed me hard)

he works away Monday to Friday in London and says he doesn't want to pass his driving test so he can get a job at home as working away is great money BUT we are still here in a 1 bedded flat? Because he isn't sensible with his Money.

I've watched all my friends and family members get a mortgage this past year and I can't help but feel resentment towards him.

(He's 35 and I'm 33 btw)

Anyway, he's had 3 weeks off unpaid for xmas, I've been doing most of the childcare, I've still had to go to work and if daughter has to go nursery, I take her, he doesnt help me get her ready in the morning.

He's been playing his video games until 3am and sleeping all day. Everytime I've told him this is not fair, he's done nothing about it so, I got angry and started to yell at him, told him to leave and he left! Funny how I ask for help and he can't but when I ask him to leave he goes as now he won't have to be responsible for the house chores or help me with our daughter.

If im at work, he'll cook, clean, look after our girl because he HAS to, if I'm here he doesn't work as a team, he let's me do it all.

I told him I hated him and now I feel bad, but surely this isn't a man who WANTS to be responsible for a family?

People say leave and ive left but it isn't easy to switch your feelings off for the person you thought he was.
Am I in the right to kick him out? And how do I stop myself going back? He's gone back to his mom's BTW, he lived there before I met him.

I feel stupid writing this at the age of 33 but I guess I thought we'd have a house etc next year and now I've realized, I'll have nothing if I'm with him.

(Sorry about grammar/spelling)

From what you have written, yes, you were right to ask him to leave. Well done for being so strong.

Is this the life you want for your child. Do you want them to think it’s normal for a father figure to be emotionally, financially abusive? @

Aw OP hear your frustration. Saying you hated him was poor. You know that. Hating the way he makes you feel or hating how he slacks off etc is different. Sounds to me like you just want him to grow up, and step up. Apologise for the I hate you comment. Then let the dust settle. Some time to contemplate his life choices no bad thing. If he is allowed back eventually in a firm but kind way you need a proper talk first, tell him you need him to be stable, responsible and reliable. Tell him you are at a cross roads. You want to build a life and better future. Tell him if he can’t be the partner you need, and doesn’t want those thing though it’s time to call it quits. No Gambling also a must if he has a problem. Good 🍀 luck.