Dating in this generation

[Whyyougottobeanonymous]

Hi ladies

please can someone tell me I’m not the only one struggling?

ive been single for over a year now. Was with DDs father for 7 years and I’m now late 20s. By no means do I feel like time is against me however I thought I’d give online dating a go just as I do feel slightly lonely on the weekends when I don’t have DD and friends are all at home with their partners and having family time.

however I must say I do struggle. I’m what people would describe as pretty but I seem to attract all the men who have issues, emotionally unavailable, or far too intense, or really just damn right weird.

I really don’t know where I’m going wrong. I’ve tried looking outside my usual type and I massively struggle to connect.

is it just me to who finds dating so unbelievably time wasting? I spoke to a man for 4 weeks and booked in a childminder for DD, to meet this man on a date, just for him to text and say he wants to leave it.

I really feel that I’m just better off single. But those who are single parents/co parenting, how do you get over the loneliness and having no intimacy for a long time?

x

You are not alone. I am not a single parent but I am 34 and all my friends are coupled up so I am very lonely. OLD is awful - the men who just want sex, the men who are avoidant or afraid of commitment, the ghosting, the using. I don't have any advice for you but you are definitely not the only one feeling this way.

its honestly a bizarre world isn’t it.

@Whyyougottobeanonymous what bothers me most is the idea that people are disposable - there is no regard for the other person's feelings. I started off with a fairly thick skin but that has reduced after the ghosting, unreliability etc. I've never been stood up but my friend's sister has, and another friend was recently ghosted after seeing a guy for 3 months. I don't get why they think it's ok to treat people like that???

I steer well clear of dating apps, havnt been on one for years. Men mainly use it to just try and shag about it's awful. Have you seen the group prick advisor UK? People post the messages on there a lot, its put me completely off ever trying a dating site again

And I know this is Judgy of me, but I think how old you are depends on the sort of bloke your going to get..... I'm early 30's.... most blokes my age, are rejects from another woman. She got rid of him for a reason, theres a reason she didnt want to continue raising a family with him ect, continue the relationship. And their normally damn good reasons.

And again, I know I'm judging but if hes in his 30's and not had children yet but wants them..... why has nobody wanted children with him before now ect. I think it's different for women

If I was ever going to try dating again I would let it happen naturally as such, start going out more, maybe join a hobby ect.

OLD is a numbers game. You have to be ruthless about vetting. Chat for about a week, then meet for a coffee. Don't just talk to one person at a time and don't get overly invested too soon.

Trust yourself, if they do anything at all that you don't like, block them. Use OLD alongside other ways of meeting people.

My 29 year old ds says the same. He stays away from dating apps now after some depressing experiences. He’s in a good job, outgoing and sociable, lots of hobbies and lots of mates, but he says it’s so hard to meet someone 🤷‍♀️

it seems to me it was a lot easier back in my day (I’m 56).

@NameChanger91736 it sounds like you don't want to meet someone which is fair enough but it's not that easy to meet men via hobbies either. And if we think that men in their 30s have something wrong with them because they haven't yet settled down what does that say for us women in our 30s who haven't settled down?

@GigglingLips that's awful - I bet you were all ready to go out as well. What a waste of make up! I am always apprehensive that any dates that have been arranged won't actually go ahead.

@username299 it's actually not that easy to find more than one man to chat to at a time because the quality is so poor.

@MissyB1 it's interesting that men have the same experience too. It really sucks.

you don't. i've been single and celibate for 7 years and find it very sad however different situation i have my kids full time so can't date

.

When I said I think its different for women this is what I meant, I think most woman who are single and childess at this age its through choice. I dont believe there are many men who are single and childless in their 30's by choice

I'm not actively looking but would in the future, it's how many awful men are out there that's put me off looking

I'm late 30s and have been single for 2 years, using dating apps for over 16 months and nothing has stuck.
I haven't even had many dates. Seem to chat to people in waves but it goes no further.
My worst experience wasn't even via online dating and was in fact meeting via hobbies/through mutual events so I don't think the real world is any better.

I know a lot of people who meet this way now so I think it's luck and you just have to keep hoping that your time will come.

Oh bless you

I'm in a same position (29) DS is at his dads , but I've thought about it and don't want to rush a relationship because I'm 'lonely'

What if you used the time to relax, meet friends, date guys with no expectation of relationships otherwise you will constantly end up disappointed putting your happiness in 'finding a partner' not to say you won't, but sometimes it's just nice to look after you and take your time.

Don't rush it

42 m and been single for 3 years now, I have my kids almost full time though ( barring 1 day every 2 weeks on a weekend).
It's exactly the same experience the other way around and I've had to keep reminding myself that everyone's in the same boat on both sides!
It is better to meet in person as other posters have suggested .. but please don't just assume someone is single at this age due to some " badness" or they're a "reject", that's the recipe for never finding happiness.

The apps are awful and multiple " matches" have led to occasional dates ... strange conversations and little else ... all I'll say is just don't give up

I'm married, and 18 years ago we started salsa dancing. You dont not need to be fit or know how to dance, you do lessons for that. its a great way to meet people, cheaper than a date and safer! all age groups go 18 to 80's. When you get into it you will discover other dance groups or style depending on where you live. We after a while discovered Weekenders, all a little different, best ones are those that host in a hotel, we think all under one roof is best. Then there are dance holidays all over the world we do several euro ones year, only downside would be a single supplement, some do a room share to save on money if needed, try salsa or dancing in general. Forgot to say you dont need a partner to go and you can go with your own friends too, but you must be happy to dance with everyone, the old, young, good dancer, poor dancer, beginner etc and if nobody asks you to dance ask them, we both do, good luck.

Never give up on love, even when it feels like it’s taking longer than you hoped. Often, it’s when you stop searching and least expect it that the man of your dreams appears, ready to bring the kind of connection and happiness you’ve been waiting for. Trust the timing, and keep your heart open to the possibilities.

Keep your head up and stay positive. You attract the energy you radiate. Positivity and kindness will bring the same back to you.

Thanks everyone, it’s not nice to hear how much you are all also struggles and/or your experiences with trying to find love, but selfishly it is reassuring to hear that it’s not just me struggling in this generation. Very difficult when friends are settled down with their DP’s and DC’s and don’t really understand the situation that I’m in.

@ByHardyAquaFox - thank you for your kind words. I do agree I need to keep positive and put it to the back of my mind for now!

I honestly wouldn't date if it meant scheduling in a childminder, wait until your child is in school or you have other family to look after them. The amount of chats that don't get far as a date is high, then the amount of first dates that are a waste of time are high.