I've been with my OH for almost 11 years. We have a child together and I also have a young teenage daughter from my previous marriage - I'm widowed.
I found out a couple of years ago that my OH was speaking to another woman who used to be a raving friend of his from years back. I never felt suspicious at this initially, in fact I was pleased he was getting back in contact with old friends, etc. Over time, we were at a wedding abroad and his phone went off in my hand as I was returning to our hotel room to put our phones on charge - I opened it to find messages from her with images of her in lingerie. There were responses from my OH calling her beautiful, etc. I felt sick and almost flew home with the kids but I just done my best. I had it out with him eventually and he said she had body confidence issues - I mean so do I but he's never used the word beautiful to compliment me. Anyway, we carried on as normal but it always haunted me. I recently found an old mobile phone thinking it was my daughters so I charged it to restore it back to factory settings in order to get it destroyed. I decided to look through the photos to keep any but found screenshots of text messages, and images of a woman naked! The texts said things like she has naughty thoughts of them together, etc. That's when I realised this was my OH old phone... the images and screen shots were dated back as far as 2019! Meaning he'd been having this 'online' secret affair with the woman for longer than I realised. I had it out with him again about a year ago, he apologised but I feel he's made no effort to reassure me - I have lost all my trust in him. He protected her feelings over mine when I said I was going to contact her, he told me that they 'ended' it ages ago as it wasn't fair. I asked him if he had slept with her and he denied this to which i do believe him for reasons but how do i know for certain??
He's also so full on, he can't leave the kids alone, he's so hyperactive, he hates spending money even when we have to. I feel like i have to beg him for money just to go get food shopping. I do work and earn my own money, i pay the bills in the house and shopping but as the cost of living has gone up I can no longer afford this alone. He pays our mortgage, sky TV and he completes any work that needs to be done on the house - however, we've lived in our house for 9 years and all work carried out by him can take years at a time and the final touches rarely get completed.
He never supports me with taking the children to or from school, or to clubs, etc - I do it all. I make sure all the bills are paid, including his company tax bill which I have no links to at all.
He makes excuses at the weekends to lay in bed most of the time by saying he has a migraine, or feels unwell. He goes to bed around 7:30pm most nights. I walk the dog, he rarely does. Most mornings I get greeted with sexual innuendos, which is tiring - I never get a 'normal' supportive hug or I love you without the demand of wanting something sexual.
There is more to this but I'd be typing all day.
I just need advice - I'm not happy, I'm tired. But I don't want me and my children to be left without a roof over our head or ruin the great relationship I have with his family.
I'd appreciate any guidance or strength to get through this.
Thanks in advance.