I think I know the answer to this 😞but I'm hoping there may be still a way to save this relationship. However I can't see what to do.
DP and I have been stuck for several years living separately.
He suffers from very severe sleep apnoea and very many other health issues, including chronic fatigue. He's not overweight, it seems to be a physiological issue.
We used to live together, he moved into my flat, but I found it very hard. He is very messy. The main issue though was that he disturbed my sleep with constant waking/fidgeting in the night. This made us both angry and snappy. I found I was becoming resentful and tired doing everything by myself, since he spent days sleeping, while I had to carry on caring for our children alone.
Housework and the mental load were not shared equally as he was always so exhausted. It also led to a lot of arguments because his memory is very poor due to lack of sleep and he often forgets things.
He moved back in with his parents who live about an hour away. He has also since got a CPAP machine but says it makes little difference. So the exhaustion is still there. He does work full time from home and earns well.
The question is how to move on from here. In theory we are looking to buy a house together with enough space for a room each, but I feel it would never be an equal partnership if the exhaustion continues. We also don't have a very good communication style because he won't engage and I am conflict avoidant.
An added complication is that I HAVE to move soonish, because I'm in my 50s and when I retire I will no longer be able to afford the maintenance charges on my current flat.
I do believe that if I bought somewhere else on my own it would mean the end of the relationship as he would be so hurt.
I have no idea what to do.