Never had a LTR

[Newyr123]

Well my longest has been 4 years that ended a few months ago. Before that I've had various 1 year to 2 year relationships.
I just feel like a failure. All see all these other people who are engaged or getting married creating families. Then there's me. I have a DC. Never been proposed to. I feel like I'll never had that magical day.
Feeling a bit rubbish and lonely and I know things will get better after a break up but just want to find my person.

Any stories of finding your person later on. I am only in my 30s but would be nice to hear some positives stories.

what’s the cause of the break ups?

Abuse usually. My DC was very emotionally abusive. Last ex wasn't as bad but was more subtly not nice and used to make me question our relationship and subtle put downs.
Had some cheat on me. Had some with their own issues and i would be a rescuer but then realised and left.
I know I've got issues, had years of counselling and self help books.
Feel like I'm destined to be single which i feel sad about

You have had long term relationships! You are still young. You will have plenty of magical days in your life, with or without a marriage proposal.

I had some awful dating experiences in my teens and 20’s, terrible relationships too. I met my now DH when I was 30, we’ve had lots of adventures and now have DC. My life wouldn’t be a failure if I had not met him though. I didn’t have a set idea of what I wanted my life to look like, but I knew I wanted to be happy and pursue my interests, progress my career, travel, spend time with friends. There are plenty of people who meet their life partners in their 30’s and beyond but please don’t feel lacking due to being single. Your relationship status should be the least interesting thing about you.

Apologies, I posted before reading your update. If you notice a pattern of abusive relationships then therapy can help break this cycle. If you’ve had years of counselling perhaps it was the wrong therapeutic approach?

how many relationships have you had? how old is your child(ren)?

Its nice that you still want to find someone. I am in my 30's. Had 3 abusive relationships, 7 years, 3 years and 1 year. Each less abusive than the last as I have slowly but surely learned.

Why do you want a relationship? What is it you want from it?

I have been single for 4 years and the longer I am single, the more I cant imagine wanting to put time and energy into finding a decent man, online dating is a mess from what I hear, just mainly being used by men as a way to get sex,

The longer I've been single the more I've started to love myself and realise I dont need a man in my life.

I dont think your ready for another relationship, we shouldnt want to be in one because we are lonely, you wont get the relationship you want if that's your reason, as you'll be more likely to put up with bad behaviour because you dont want to be alone

Sounds cliche but you've got to love yourself and be happy with your own company before you get into a relationship. There are many ways to not be lonely in terms of friendships and hobbies ect

I was similar, my longest relationship was about 5 years, I always felt something was missing because I hadn't met the one. I was 46 when we got together, we got married after living together for 6 years. I am happier now but I wouldn't say it was because I married. I've finally found peace in myself, had a traumatic childhood. I have interests I enjoy on my own as well as together.

This might sound counterintuitive as you clearly want to find a long term relationship, but I would really recommend taking a period of time, maybe a year or so, to avoid getting into a new relationship.
Spend that time working on figuring out how you find yourself with abusive men so often. Work on your self esteem and confidence. Look at The Freedom Program to help you better identify red flags etc.

I guess companionship, someone to share life with the highs and lows. Someone to do fun things with.

So since my early 20s (I'm now early 30s) 4 serious relationships. My child is 8 now. I don't think i want anymore children so that wouldn't be a reason for finding someone. Tbh if I did meet someone again I wouldn't want to involve my DC for a while.

Has anyone got any positive stories of meeting someone later? Maybe after you have already had children?