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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships - is it just me?!

7 replies

HappyRobin · 01/01/2025 07:39

Hi all, first timer here. Just after some advice really. Been with partner for 3 years. We split all our household bills mortgage, CT, gas, electric, car insurance down the middle - no problems. We both had cars which we traded in and I pay this finance monthly.
recently we had a repair for £2,500 which I paid and he didn’t even offer to help me with this, I always pay for the food shop (bulk) sometime £200 a month, he doesn’t offer to help, he also allows me to pay for meals out and then Shouts from the roof top that he’s paid for a takeaway for me!
i have just spent £1,500 on wardrobes for our home but he always talks to people like he’s paid for these and appears
to take credit for us building our home when it’s my money I’m investing into us!
I rarely get a thank you for everything I do for him and his kids. He does cook most meals and I do all the household chores, I can work up to 50-60 hours a week and he is at home a lot more than me!
im starting to resent him slightly as he’s never complimentary about me, he is less affectionate with me and I really don’t know what to do! I don’t want to be unhappy with this guy!

OP posts:
Yennefer44 · 01/01/2025 07:42

Are you both on the mortgage? Are you married? Do you have any kids of your own? On the face of it, it looks like you are financing a lot of his lifestyle.
Surely "all bills" should include food and big purchases? Why doesn't he pay for those?

LilyJessie · 01/01/2025 07:43

Have you told him how you feel?

HappyRobin · 01/01/2025 07:49

We are both on the mortgage and I sold my house which I have protected with a declaration of trust as I put a huge lump sum down onto our first property together.
I don’t have any children of my own but I do get on well with his kids and he does pay financial support to his ex which I know is his expense. Because we have a joint account we put out split bills into this so whatever we have in our own accounts is ours.
I have tried to talk to him but it ends up in an argument and it’s never resolved.
its not very nice to feel that you may be taken advantage of and I have no doubts he loves me but it’s getting me down that I do a lot for us which goes unappreciated

OP posts:
Iaminthefly · 01/01/2025 07:51

The only way to not be unhappy with this guy is to kick him out

You're basically helping him lead an easy life and getting nothing back. Why on earth are you paying for food alone? Why does he not contribute more?

Who's house is it?

DustyLee123 · 01/01/2025 07:51

Remember that he will be leaving his portion of the house to his kids, so anything you put in like wardrobes, will eventually profit his kids.

Iaminthefly · 01/01/2025 07:54

This man does NOT love you. Someone who loves you does not treat you this way.

Iaminthefly · 01/01/2025 07:56

And stop doing things for him. Why are you doing stuff for someone who does not value or appreciate it.

Put your efforts elsewhere. Like on breaking up and selling the house for example

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