Christmas

[optimistic47]

Hi all,
I understand that christmas is stressful for most people. I've gone back into work after a few months being unemployed. However, the only person out of my side of my family (my widowed mother) bothered to send a reciprical card and present. I hadn't seen my nephew and his family for a couple of years, however each year I have made up a bag of cards and presents for his children i've only met once. I never get a thank you card or a £2 box of chocolates yet they are quick to come round my mum's house to pick up presents. My two sisters and aunt likewise haven't even bothered to send a card over the holidays (when my husband and I have done the same). Am I unreasonable not to bother next year? I should stress that I've not had an argument with any individual, just think it's rather selfish and disrespectful. my mum shrugs it off by saying that your sisters will get round to it in the new year, but it's the lack of effort that gets me.

Stop doing it

After i realised i was being a mug (like you)
I gave it one more birthday and one more Christmas where i sent presents and cards and they havent bothered with me

So F them!

From now on they are not even getting a card

I send cards because I want to, I don't tick off who sends me cards.
So, if you want to send someone a card, then do so. If you don't, then don't.

I wouldn't send adult nephews with dc of their own, that you obviously aren't closely involved with presents (although I personally would send a card).

Thank you. Makes sense. For some weird reason I always feel guilty at christmas regarding babies and children in my family. People keep saying it's better to give than receive - but it's more like some are givers, and others takers. My nephew didn't send my mum a card for years until she called him out on it, only for him to say it's nothing personal.

Yes of course you stop. They are completely using you.

Thanks for the helpful comments. The irony is that my mum said to me that I could send a gift as a token, gesture - and when I do that, I get no response.

You choose how much you do so accept that or just stop.

I don't send cards. If people want to send them then fine but I don't rush to reciprocate because I choose not to add that burden to my life.

I've bought gifts for people who haven't for me and sometimes it's been the other way round. So what.

But sending presents to someone you barely know and don't really have a relationship with is madness.

You sound like a very generous person and these people are taking advantage of that. Stop sending presents, give cards if you must. Then add up how much you usually spend on the gifts and buy something for yourself, you deserve it.

Thank you. Part of me feels weirdly guilty because my great niece has a terminal heart condition and I have an autistic 13 year old nephew who are both not responsible for the ignorant behaviour of older relatives. But I agree that I don't see them socially, barely know them and don't send even any thank you cards so I need to take the hint.

This year I reduced the number of gifts I sent (like the ones in your post) and next year (I guess I now mean this year as it is 2025) I intend to stop. I am 64 and used to think that older people just got poorer and grumpier and so stopped sending gifts. However I have come to realise that with a few miles on the clock that gift giving to people you hardly see and don't bother to say thank you needs to stop.

I think with that scenario you might be expecting a lot from the kids to write thank you notes? I agree that they are just kids and they probably appreciate a gift from you even if their parents seem rude to you.

This is the beauty of the selection box option OP. Cheap, kids love them, I personally never expect a letter of thanks for a couple of chocs, job done.