driving me insane at this point

[gsfmi]

starting to feel like I'm going insane, I feel like I can't ever relax in my own home, Like I'm constantly on edge all the time, expecting the door to knock, expecting to be woken up if i do manage to fall asleep etc. getting headaches and generally feeling unwell with it so want to nip it in the bud.

My brother is 29, he's ASD.

The issue is he comes to my house every single morning, day or night, knocks on the door asking for me to let him in, he will ask to be let in for whatever he makes up on the spot.. He was passing and needs a shower (at midnight) he was passing so he needs a drink of water or he will faint, he was passing and...

I tell him not come every day, he ignores me, I tell him to come earlier than midnight and he comes at midnight the next night, he leaves notes through my letterbox if I'm not in asking where I am and to let him know when i get home, He's been at midnight the last three nights knocking me up out of bed and I told him last night if he did it again I would fall out with him so tonight he came at 11.15pm thinking it was ok because it wasn't midnight like I said..

It feels more like I'm in an abusive relationship than brother and sister at this point. My parents are both dead and my brother seems to think I'm on this planet to serve him, I'm not being horrible when I say that.. he says things like 'you should be avaiable to be 24/7 because you are my sister'

If I could get a few days a week where i didn't hear from him or see him I would be fine but it's every day of my life, he expects me to fix everything in his life constantly. I have no life whatsoever because of all this and need things to change in the new year before I do something stupid like move away in the dead of night.

anyone been through similar? did anything work?

Who does he live with?
I don’t know what to suggest other than giving him a time frame where he can ask to come? Say absolutely no later than 7pm or he will be turned away or ignored. I think you need to be firm.

You need to move and not tell him where you are going.
Sorry that may be harsh but you are not his carer and it is not your responsibility to lose your mental health over his harassment of you.

Just another entitled man.
I am so over them.

That sounds incredibly stressful and annoying. What would happen if you said you can come on Wednesday between six and eight and on Sunday between 5 and 7 pm for example? So he knows when he's going to see you. Would he feel anxious and keep calling around otherwise?

What would happen if you gave set days with set times and explicitly told him you will not answer the door outside of those times. Explain that if he keeps knocking the neighbours (or you) will eventually call the police.

It does sound very tough.

You saying "he came at 11.15pm thinking it was ok because it wasn't midnight like I said" makes me wonder if he might understand 'rules' better, so there's absolutely no room for interpretation? Sort of "you can come on X days between X time and X time", or "never after X time" with clearly defined consequences if he breaks those rules (it seems saying you'd fall out with him made sense for him?)
If he'd understand "you must always check if I'm available and wait for a response before visiting", could that be a possibility?

White lies could be helpful, if he doesn't understand that wanting to relax is enough of a reason to need uninterrupted time to yourself. Having an appointment, being on a private phone call, having an urgent errand to run etc?

I'm autistic myself (not as heavily impacted as your brother), and never being able to relax, knowing somebody could turn up at any time, sounds like absolute hell.
You sound like a very caring person who's also very worn down, I really feel for you x