(Possible) Narcissistic Parent

[OVienna]

Hello people
Currently recovering from our latest holiday adventure with my parents.

For people with a narcissistic parent: did this ever present as health issues that require immediate and sustained attention from everyone around them?

Like, not unwell all the time. But reliably and consistently unwell at other people's significant events or when they are doing something they'd prefer not to?

Also things like: failure to accept a diagnosis from a medical professional, even after thorough tests?

Almost like: I am too special for it to be 'just [that.] Must be something more complicated [because it's me.]'

Maybe I've got my own 'diagnosis' wrong. I am not even sure at this stage in my life why it's important for me to know, have a name for, what I have experienced with this parent.

TIA

They sound maybe more attention seeking with your post but it could actually be genuine.

I was fobbed off by the medical profession for two years for unexplained fatigue/tiredness. In the end I was forced to give up and felt like a fraud or that I must be imagining it. I ended up having blood cancer.

This is very common behaviour for a narcissistic parent. And nearly always, if not always, timed around significant events, designed to cause maximum impact and gain most attention (for them).

My mums "back went" at my baby scan. She had a breakdown a week after baby was born, I was having to bath her and care for her, as well as care for a new baby.
Her inability to be the mother I need or want I've now just about accepted.
My dads having weekly chemo, and is terminal, but we all spend far more time and effort keeping her happy, she's been on my dads pedestal for so long to keep the peace, she can't come down!

Sorry for what you've experienced, but I am talking about cold/flu symptoms that magically disappear as soon as she is on the flight home. Trashes the time she is here, though, and affects our ability to see DH's family. Every year, almost to the exact day of the trip.

It's interesting because you don't seem to see this in the online articles about it, so I wondered.

I'll be back with a bit more later.

Thank you all.

Yep, sounds classic. The idea is that they feel there’s only a limited amount of attention to go round and they are entitled to it. So when faced with competition for attention they have to come up with extra strategies to secure it.

I'm so sorry about this. We live an ocean away so I can avoid a sustained situation like this. But there isn't a single family occasion (and historically an event connected to me) that hasn't been marred by her behaviour or required our attention diverting to manage her in some way.

I'm trying to think when it switched to illness though (from just outright aggression.)

So sorry to hear about your Dad.

My MIL is textbook narcissist and she always gets ill around significant events, either physical illnesses or emotional breakdowns.

Has done for decades… my husband remembers having to take over cooking the Christmas dinner at the age of about 15 because she had a breakdown cooking it for the family ( just the usual 5 of them). He’s a very capable cook now ( luckily for me) because the pattern was then repeated many times.

My FIL has suffered a lot of physical problems recently, things meaning he has to be hospitalised for a few days. She always creates a drama around how she can’t cope. Most of the attention gets diverted to her so you end up almost forgetting that he’s the one that has actually suffered a medical emergency. Narcissists just love to create drama at any opportunity and it always has to be about them.

I have read quite a bit which does outline how narcissist weaponise illness to suit, just one example here: www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/love-in-the-age-narcissism/202102/lying-die-why-narcissists-may-lie-about-their-health
It's a feature of their personality.