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Relationships

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Original poster

He could have seen me on my birthday but didn’t

47 replies

Anotheryearolder1 · 31/12/2024 08:18

Need a sanity check here!

Been seeing a guy on and off for about a year. He recently reached out wanting to sort things out, and has said I am now his number 1 priority, he sees his future with me, marriage, children, the full works…

It was my birthday yesterday. He originally said his plan for the day was to paint his bathroom.

I messaged him early morning to say I was heading to the city where he lives to hit the sales and that I could pop by to say a quick hello, and that it would be nice to see him on my birthday. He replied to say he was now going out for brunch, so can’t.

My feeling is that if it had been the other way round, I would have said ‘I am out for brunch this morning, but will message you afterwards to see if you’re still round here and we can get a coffee or something’. I just think it would have been easy for him to see me if he wanted to, but he chose not to.

His stance is that he told me he was busy yesterday, end of.

AIBU? It’s been such a rough ride with dating, I can’t see the wood from the trees, and I don’t know if my expectations are too high. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

MayaPinion · 31/12/2024 08:54

After a year I’d have expected a nice lunch or dinner and a gift - not necessarily an expensive one, but a pretty silver necklace or a thoughtful book or scarf would be a perfectly reasonable expectation as a minimum. That should all be arranged by him.

After 6 months of dating my DP I booked (and paid for) a meal at a newly opened restaurant and bought him a picture he’d liked in the local art gallery. Neither of these things were wildly expensive but they showed I was interested and cared about him.

If someone can’t meet you on your birthday because they’re painting their bathroom it means they don’t want to meet you. If they haven’t bought you a card or a gift they haven’t thought about you at all. They’re not interested in making you feel a bit special on your special day. They just can’t be bothered. Bin him fast. The first year is the honeymoon period. This is as good as it gets and you deserve better.

MayaPinion · 31/12/2024 08:56

MayaPinion · 31/12/2024 08:54

Cross post - well done 🎉

CestLaVie123 · 31/12/2024 08:56

OP to me this guy is scum, and there is definitely no relationship here. Please block and move on, and please please please raise your standards

newname642 · 31/12/2024 08:57

Onwards and upwards, OP! You're worth so much more than the scraps he's dishing out.

Happy new year

WhatTheFudges · 31/12/2024 09:04

His taking the piss and stringing you along, now doubt seeing other women too.

Let this go, move on. Only hurt and upset lay down that path, don’t walk down it.

TwinkleLights24 · 31/12/2024 09:07

As soon as I read on/off I thought give up on him. He crawls back because he knows you’re there when whoever he leaves you for drops him.
The lack of effort on your birthday says it all, he could have seen you after his brunch.

TwistedWonder · 31/12/2024 09:08

He knew when your birthday was but decided to make other plans?

He’s a waste of space. You’re born off work on your birthday - a man who was interested would have jumped to the chance of spending the day together.

He’s throwing you crumbs to keep you dangling - get rid of the loser.

TwinkleLights24 · 31/12/2024 09:09

Painting his bathroom came first. Wow.

pictoosh · 31/12/2024 09:14

He's all hot air. It's your birthday...he'd rather paint his bathroom or go out to brunch with someone else than see you. His acknowedgement is a text.
I don't think he put your birthday on his calendar for next week. I think that's a lie.
He just didn't bother.

If you want more, make yourself available for it. He's a waste of time.

CatsBeCrazy · 31/12/2024 09:15

This is so sad Op . The only relationships that lasted for me were the ones where the men bothered with my birthday . The first one 2 years and the second one over 20 years . My DP took me to see Rik Mayall in concert because I was always talking about how he was a big part of childhood . You deserve better OP , there is better men out there so don't settle for someone who treats you as an afterthought.

Rockingrobin25 · 31/12/2024 09:26

I once went out with a guy a bit like this before I finally had enough and ended it.

Every time I remember him (which isn't often), I congratulate myself on a very very lucky escape! He went on to have a relationship with a friend of a friend, refused to marry her despite many promises and then cheated on her with a neighbour! I am now very happily married to someone else who is amazing in every way and I can't believe I ever tolerated the behaviour of that other guy.

Run like the wind OP, treat yourself to something new in the sales, have a glass of wine and congratulate yourself on a lucky escape too!

localnotail · 31/12/2024 09:29

Well done OP. Bin and move on!

All the best for 2025, hope you meet someone who loves and values you.

StormingNorman · 31/12/2024 09:30

You’re not his number one priority and he’s almost certainly future faking.

Painting his bathroom was a higher priority and he couldn’t take time out to see you on your birthday. Then a brunch came up (with someone who he could take a break for) and he still can’t give you even 20 minutes for a coffee.

Moonwalkies · 31/12/2024 09:40

Good for you OP, as you say it's been on and off and he hasn't changed, not unreasonable to want more out of a relationship.

Tuftykitten · 31/12/2024 09:42

Ghost, block and delete.
He's a tyre kicker.

Seaoftroubles · 31/12/2024 09:57

In the bin with him and a Happy New Year free of that kind of rubbish.

mammaCh · 31/12/2024 10:04

So he had your birthday down in the diary as next week... well my diary ends this week.
Did he actually know it was your birthday before the day?
If yes, then his plans for the day should have been to see you.

HelenInHeels · 31/12/2024 10:05

Mrsttcno1 · 31/12/2024 08:39

Ah see I don’t think he’s in the wrong here, he had plans and he communicated that with you.

That's not the point now is it?

TwistedWonder · 31/12/2024 10:13

Mrsttcno1 · 31/12/2024 08:39

Ah see I don’t think he’s in the wrong here, he had plans and he communicated that with you.

Prioritising painting his bathroom and a last minute brunch over his gf birthday?

Seriously you don’t see anything wrong with being a zero effort partner who throws his gf a few crumbs but doesn’t make her a priority? Ok then

smallsilvercloud · 31/12/2024 10:33

Painting the bathroom and brunch seems like lame excuses why he wouldn't see you on your birthday, sadly he lied about you being his priority, some say anything to keep you on back burner. I wouldn't give any more chances just get yourself back out there and meet someone that appreciates you more.

healthybychristmas · 31/12/2024 10:44

Who paints the bathroom at New Year? Who goes out for brunch while painting the bathroom? A lying liar that's who.

He was terrified of having to buy you a birthday present or a birthday lunch.

Start 2025 without this loser.

TwinkleLights24 · 31/12/2024 17:00

I doubt he even went to brunch. It was likely to be an excuse so you couldn’t come to his house.

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