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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of splitting up with my husband

27 replies

IstillloveKingThistle · 30/12/2024 21:45

Advice on here is usually get your ducks in a row when thinking of leaving your husband etc etc

Well that’s the current boat I am in.
Years of emotional abuse. I live with a Jekyll and Hyde: one minute he’s utterly beautiful and kind, the next a monster to me. It’s horrendous.
He never ever takes any responsibility for his behaviour or actions. He’s never done anything wrong according to him. It’s how it is. How it’s always been.

We’re married . Two children. I haven’t worked for around three years due to both mental and physical health problems and issues.
He earns well. Has a job he loves.
He works away. A lot. We are talking most of the year. I hate his job. I hate his attitude about it because it comes first and I hate that he’s missed so much out on our children and them
growing up.
He has been back over a week and things have been very very tense and up and down so much. He’s due to leave again this week .
I think we need to separate but lack so
much in self confidence and respect for
myself that I put up with his shit too much and all the time.

He barely wants sex. He says he still
finds me attractive and beautiful but I doubt that.
It just seems so so off.

Please wise mumsnetters , give me a kick up the arse and help me get figured out what to do.

A dog leads a better life than I do yet he leads a lords life . It Isn’t right.

There are loads more things I could say on here but it’s too outing.

Please help.

OP posts:
Catoo · 22/05/2025 22:51

Seems like you’re getting there OP. Just need a bit more support with practicalities.
PP have already mentioned organisations that can help you plan.

When is he next away for a few weeks?

That would be a good time to start getting organised and see a divorce solicitor about what divorce will look like.

For more specific advice here, do you own a house together? Do you both have pensions? If you are unable to work at the moment do not worry about getting a job as some PP have suggested. There could be benefits you will be entitled to. You just need to speak with the right organisations to help you work it all out.

In the meantime, learn grey rock technique. So that when he’s being a piece of shit you can fend it off with indifference. Stop ringing him. Then he can’t ignore your calls. If something is urgent text him. If he starts shouting at you down the phone, end the call ‘I’m going now’. If he does it in person, quietly leave the room.

If he escalates into anything physical at all, report him. 💐

Londonismyjam · 22/05/2025 23:24

IstillloveKingThistle · 22/05/2025 22:34

Thanks for that ever so kind reply. You have no idea the physical and mental health issues and illnesses I have been through.
Perhaps a little more kindness and empathy on your part might benefit you in commenting on threads going forward.. 👍

But that poster does have a point. How are you going to manage financially when you LTB?
Do you think that your health issues might improve then ?

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