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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Clashing with brother

3 replies

Chocolatexx · 30/12/2024 21:00

Having spent a bit of time over Christmas with family, I realise I don't get on with my brother anymore and we have different views. But I don't know if my feeling of dislike is fair?

He is 31 and i'm 35. He is living at home at the moment after a long term relationship breakdown but has found somewhere and is moving early next year. When the family got together over Christmas we ended up having a few arguments/clashes.

Topic turned to dating. Both me and my brother are dating on apps at the moment but neither of us been successful in finding a relationship yet, I have been on them for about 5 years, him a year after his relationship breakdown. He said that women have it much easier than men, and that a lot of women are shallow and only care about height, job and income. I told him that isn't true and if anything he is shallow himself as he has been on dates and then rejected nice girls because he 'didn't fancy them enough' or because 'they didn't look like their photos'.

Other things we clashed over were his view that men shouldn't have to pay for a woman on dates, I said its not expected, but it is nice, he says 'why?' and I explained its nice to feel treated to which he said 'why shouldn't I be treated?' and that men and women are supposed to be equal in this day and age, a man paying for a women is outdated and that women expect chivalry when it suits them but claim to want to be 'independent' most other times.

He is completely not how I remember him to be, he is obsessed with going to the gym now, tracking calories and lifting weights. In the past year he has had cosmetic surgery on his nose and had braces on his teeth. He is huge due to the weight lifting now. His response to a clothing item he opened as a present was 'Well I won't be wearing that for any date' I said why and he says he won't get a girl wearing it.

I've just been surprised by his attitude and obsession with looks and not sure if this is normal for a man of his age or not.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 30/12/2024 21:16

Your brother sounds like an arsehole, I’m sorry. Very easy to dislike. Some of the things he’s saying are very much incel rhetoric. Which is disgusting - and he’s far too old for it!

I’m assuming that he wants a fiercely independent woman who goes 50/50 on everything financial, does all the housework and is super gorgeous? In his previous relationship, was he willing to shoulder his part of the domestic load? I’ve often found that the 50/50 beliefs only seem to include women paying for things.

Daleksatemyshed · 30/12/2024 21:50

He probably thought he was settled in the relationship that ended and he certainly sounds like his ego has taken a beating. He sounds annoying but also a bit desperate, all that focus on finding another GF

Jennyathemall · 30/12/2024 22:18

in part it sounds like typical sibling bickering - it’s common to revert to your inner teenager when back with your brother/sister. Also sounds like you had this fixed idea of what your brother is like and weren’t prepared
for him to be different. People change. Going to the gym is hardly a bad thing, and the examples you cite are hardly earth shattering, just maybe not the guy you were
used to/expected. Sounds you need to get
to know the person he is now not the one you thought he was.

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