Online dating - how many dates before you know?

[chchap]

How many dates is it OK to go on before you know? I am a bit of a slow burner and had 2nd date with a guy who wants a 3rd.
I'm not feeling the physical attraction yet but he has other qualities that I do look for. Not sure if the attraction will grow or if I'm wasting his & my time. Arghhh! Why can't we just meet someone in person anymore, so much easier to build a connection over time in real life!

I did 5 dates before we even kissed and was keeping an open mind and just happy to get to know him. Just over a year in now and it’s amazing!

I would say if you’re not feeling it after 3 dates, it’s a non-starter. 3 dates is a good balance of giving them a chance (you can’t be sure after just one date, unless you def know you don’t like them of course), but any more than 3 and your wasting their and your own time.

I’m a very slow burn and I never fancy someone after 2/3 dates but there has to be something about them that interests me enough to see them again.

Know if I like them romantically or whether there’s potential for a long-term relationship? I don’t know, 5-10 meetings? Usually I just decide there isn’t as takes me a long time to feel anything other than ‘they’re cool to talk to’.

And you can still meet people IRL. I’ve never really met anyone of note through OLD, pretty much IRL only because I can’t decide if I fancy kissing a stranger after 2-3 dates, I need more exposure to feel like I do.

I'm in exactly the same position, OP.

I've had 3 dates with a guy who I'm not that physically attracted to but has other qualities therefore has potential. I don't know if it will work out, but I'm giving him a chance because relying on an instant 'spark' on a first date (as I had been until now) wasn't getting me anywhere.

My advice is not to think too far ahead and just take it one date at a time and assess how you feel. I listened to a podcast recently where a dating coach said that we should think less about whether someone ticks boxes on our checklist (looks, job, height, etc.) and more about how they make us FEEL. Can you be yourself around him? Does he put you at ease on the dates or drain your social battery? Are you excited ahead of each date?

Thanks to everyone for their opinions so far. It's so good to hear it's not just me that feels like this and I'm not being unreasonable.

I'm going to think about how he makes me feel rather than the checklist!

I think that’s a really good idea. If you enjoy his company and like friending time with him, then carry on meeting and see if you start to feel more as time goes on.

I find it very easy to know if I don’t like someone but more difficult to decide if I do.

I’ve only been attracted to someone after one date once and that led to a ruinous fling with a dismissive avoidant 😆 I usually need far more time, generally for me I’m either a no or it’s neutral - usually a no tbh 😅 but everyone is different. As I’ve gotten older increasingly I have to be attracted to their personality too which is the sticking point for me.

Three dates it took for me

I tried over several dates with a man I liked and thought he was nice but it just didn’t happen. Current partner, it was our first date. Whether it’ll last, time will show!

I think as long as you look forward to the next date, that's great. Go one at a time.

On the other hand i dont think it would be unreasonable of him to want to know at some point if you see it going somewhere, and if you've met perhaps 5 times without any physical attraction I'd start to wonder tbh.