LTB ducks in a row advice needed….

[M1234M]

Asking on behalf of a friend whose found herself in a tough position

found proof of partner cheating…. 10 yrs together engaged but not married 2 young children
house jointly owned with mortgage

he’s currently out of the house and she’s told him it’s over - solicitors contacted but closed til new year

limited on advice I can give but I know she would get some solid advice here prior…..

what does she need to sort…..

thank you 🙏 x

I'd get important documents together- passports etc and make sure they're in a folder somewhere safe. Other than that as the house is jointly owned he is within his rights to return until everything is sorted, as they're not married she needs to be figuring out how she stands financially with her income and assets.

She's on very shaky ground, sadly, if they're not married. I would tell her to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

In most cases one spouse will have to buy the other out or the house will have to be sold and assets divided. I believe mesher orders - where one parent gets to stay in the family home until the youngest is 18 - are very unlikely to be granted by court.

Divorce is no fault nowadays, there doesn’t have to be a reason for it and it can be done quickly but she definitely needs to see a solicitor. I would also change the locks as the dh will probably get difficult and start coming and going as he pleases.

People will come on to say it’s illegal but I would take my chances personally. And yes, get all important paperwork, payslips, marriage certificate, passports etc and any sentimental things such as photos etc and take them to a trusted persons house for safekeeping.

It often turns nasty and the gloves come off when the husband doesn’t get to come home and pretend nothing happened.

He can come and go as he pleases if he jointly owns the house.

She needs to work out where she's going to live unless she can take on the mortgage by herself.

The Citizens Advice website has lots of information on separation and Gingerbread has a good helpline.

She can check out benefit entitlement on Turn2us and look into CMS.

From a practical point of view; the most important thing (for me) is would be child arrangements. Can also get an idea of maintenance payments if any or potential to increase work hours etc.

financially I’d recommend a house evaluation to see where she is at. If she can afford to buy him out or potential mortgage of moves.

budget wise, I’d get rid of any unnecessary expenses (sky tv, single person council tax etc). My food bill nearly halved and elec, water bill etc all came down significantly. Might also be worth using a benefit calculator to see if entitles to universal credit etc.

She’s only on shaky ground if she is financially dependent on him. Not if she has her own income or savings. He has no financial obligation towards her only the children as they aren’t married. She will be entitled to whatever share of the house equity was agreed when it was bought. She may be entitled to child maintenance depending how childcare is shared. She can use the online CM calculator. She should try to agree shared care that allows both to work equally (and be responsible for childcare costs on their days) not get into a situation where she is limited to school hours in future. If she isn’t working or on low income she can apply for UC and use benefits calculator like Entitledto. She should use a checklist from gov uk on separation to split bank accounts, remove him from any credit card in her name, protect joint savings etc. If they are both on the mortgage they both remain liable for that so it’s likely unless she can buy out his share he will want it sold asap. The only legal route is for financial support for the children via Children Act and that usually only happens if the non resident parent is wealthy and support above the usual CM amount likely. For CM they will use PAYE info if he’s employed but if he has other income eg self employed or rent or investments then she needs get as much info as possible as CMS will just accept whatever he says or HMRC says unless she has other evidence.

@Mrswhatsit40 there is no marriage.

Does she have a job? She'll either need to buy the ex out of the house or put it up for sale and house herself. Sort co-parenting and any relevant child maintenance money. That's all, no assets to divide or legal entanglements.

Yes she works and should be able to buy him out of the house but not sure how things lie until that’s sorted as ideally doesn’t want him comming back

great advice about passports and belongings too thank you I’ll pass on don’t want to bewilder her but want to be able to offer her the best advice if she wants it x