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Original poster

My Ex has moved on

7 replies

user1475665394 · 30/12/2024 10:27

I’m sure this isn’t really the place to do this, but I just wanted to tell somebody….anybody.
My ex and I split after 3yrs in March, we were stuck living together until October when I moved out. He had joined a dating site the previous October and the lady he had been chatting to kindly told me (no faults with her, she did the right thing). I tired to make things work after he apologised but he consistently would stay up till the early hours on his phone! Tried to make out he wasn’t up to anything….blah blah. In March 24 I decided I’d had enough and we split, he wouldn’t buy me out of the house at first and would make excuses not to. By July he went through with it and it took me from then until October to move out. We got on well in the house as best we could, still had to share the same bed and yes we still slept together (stupid I know). Turns out he had been on dating sites the whole time from the split and had been meeting people, as always you find out after.
He has now meet someone else after 10wks (maybe less as not sure when they got together). I know here and she is honestly such a nice person and super attractive to make things worse. I’m just left in a puddle of nothing, I have no family or friends (I work) and I’m seriously finding everything so difficult to cope with, all the reading of stuff says talk to family and friends, I don’t have that, so here I am getting my words out. I’m completely obsessed with him and I can’t get him out of my head, I hate that he’s moved on and is happy…..I have no contact with him and deleted all pictures etc but I can’t delete the memories and only think of the happy times not what he did. I feel like I’m just drowning in him and I just want it to stop. Not suicidal but I do wish I wasn’t alive (if that makes sense), just want to be in a freak accident or something. I have nothing to live for anymore, I just exist. It’s not like I could meet anyone else as I wouldn’t trust them and I have zero money living hand to mouth, so nobody is wanting to just sit in or go for walks that don’t cost anything!
Ex has totally ruined my life and I just don’t know what to do with myself. Dreading NYE knowing what he will be exactly doing at midnight 😔.

OP posts:
DurinsBane · 30/12/2024 11:08

I’m sorry that has happened to you. Maybe her a new years resolution to join some clubs etc? They don’t have to cost much, if anything at all. Please speak to your doctor if your mental health is bad

sunflowersngunpowdr · 30/12/2024 17:44

If you have no money your first job of 2025 is to make some. Your obsession with your ex might just be a way of deflecting your attention away from what you know you have to do. Make it your mission to pull yourself together and get earning and once you have that under control then you can look for a new relationship. The road you are on now will only lead to spiralling depression and wasted time. Look forward and stop looking back.

smallsilvercloud · 30/12/2024 18:01

There is life after a breakup and you will also meet someone better for you in time, a relationship isn't the only thing to keep you going, concentrate on your own goals for now. Men always move on quickly and tbh dare I say less fussy, but that's up to him, doesn't mean the person he's dating now will last, don't keep think about him the who he's with with, that's not as important as your own life.

Original poster
user1475665394 · 30/12/2024 21:03

sunflowersngunpowdr · 30/12/2024 17:44

If you have no money your first job of 2025 is to make some. Your obsession with your ex might just be a way of deflecting your attention away from what you know you have to do. Make it your mission to pull yourself together and get earning and once you have that under control then you can look for a new relationship. The road you are on now will only lead to spiralling depression and wasted time. Look forward and stop looking back.

I do work full time, but now paying a mortgage and all the bills myself doesn’t leave me with much. I do get your points though and they are totally correct. I know what I need to do, I just can’t seem to get the motivation to do it. Thank you for your comment it’s much appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1475665394 · 30/12/2024 21:06

smallsilvercloud · 30/12/2024 18:01

There is life after a breakup and you will also meet someone better for you in time, a relationship isn't the only thing to keep you going, concentrate on your own goals for now. Men always move on quickly and tbh dare I say less fussy, but that's up to him, doesn't mean the person he's dating now will last, don't keep think about him the who he's with with, that's not as important as your own life.

Thank you.
I know her and like I say she’s really nice and I do genuinely mean that, she’s definitely a better match as they do have 5 things probably more in common. I want her to be happy as she definitely deserves it, I just don’t want him to be and find it hard at how quickly he’s moved on. Whilst I’m the one struggling with life and alone. I hate him for what he’s done to me. I just really wanted someone to talk to and know how I was feeling.

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 30/12/2024 22:16

I definitely know how you are feeling, I felt much the same when my ex moved on with someone new.

I still have feelings of jealousy around it because he treated me badly but then moved on really easily with a younger woman. It just feels unfair. I'm not jealous of her because I don't want to be with him but I am jealous of him for finding someone so easily.

HoppityBun · 30/12/2024 22:23

It’s shit, OP, no two ways about that. I understand what you mean- you want the pain to stop. This time next year you will be looking back and feeling a lot better about yourself. It seems unbelievable now but it’s true. Keep on, chin up. You’ll weather this. Others have been through it too. It’s not easy but things sort themselves out. If you can, find a therapist because it really helps to have someone knowledgeable guide you and help you. Just having a regular check in helps. Have a look around and meet a few: you can take your time to find someone who you click with. Good wishes

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