Narcissistic mother of OH’s child

[FirstTimeStepMum]

Does anyone have an advice/experience with how to help a child who is learning disrespectful and controlling behaviour from his mother? His mother still talks about my OH in a very disrespectful way meaning the child has grown up learning that his Dad can be controlled and put down. My OH is an amazing, kind man. The sort of Dad any one would want. His love & support is beautiful. He loves his boy so much but I struggle with how the child (age 13) treats his father and then strops if he can’t control a situation. (Won’t eat, join in, has to have it his way). We have no communication with the mother - she just goes through 13 year old to communicate with his Dad. If we try asking her anything she just doesn’t reply or respond (her way of control). He lives with his mother 75% of the time. We just want to support our boy.

Sorry OP, I can't really advise as I always got on with my ex for the sake of our children. We both bent over backwards to ensure their life remained consistent and loving.

I'm so sad when I read parents putting their ego's, needs and foibles before their children.

It is your OH's responsibility to manage this situation. Children grow up and realise which way the land lies and hopefully he will soon see his mother's actions for what they are. In the mean time I would suggest your OH calls his child out on any poor behaviour. My friend in a similar situation with teen having tantrums suggested to him that she realised he was behaving inappropriately by attention seeking and invited him to talk about it. Funnily enough the poor behaviour stopped soon after.

This be the Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Philip Larkin