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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is it so tough to get over even a bad relationship?

5 replies

Errors · 30/12/2024 08:57

We split up a few months ago. He then came back, seemed very keen to see me. I was still wearing rose tinted glasses I am afraid, we slept together a few times and he said he still loved me and missed me etc so I thought we were going to try and make a go of things. He then said I had misunderstood and it wasn’t a good idea and he needs to ‘work on himself’ and all that bullshit. Obviously a string of cliches. I called him out on it and get a nasty voice note back telling me to fuck off in a really dismissive way and he then blocked me.

I know he isn’t right for me, it’s not him I miss I don’t think. More the company, he was was always difficult and quick to anger and just very hard work. But we enjoyed doing the same things and did lots of cool stuff together and I keep thinking about I miss it. I also have this strong sense of humiliation and it’s making me feel really bad about myself, like I wish he would come crawling back - not because I want him back but because I want the satisfaction of telling him to fuck off to regain a modicum of self respect.

I have form for being a bit too soppy and loving and giving too much of myself to people. It makes me a bit of a door mate. And I think it’s even harder this time of year when I am stuck in and have no plans all week or for NYE. I just want to get over it all with a sense of pride still in tact.

OP posts:
Blueglazzier · 30/12/2024 09:09

I'm speaking from a reflective memory as I'm an old lady now , but your words remind me of myself when I was young and needy and so wanted to be loved I would put up with anything and can you believe anyone! I look back at me and wish that I had been stronger , I allowed myself to be treated badly and was a fool . I was co-dependant . My self esteem came as I learned to live alone and began to know myself . The woman I am now would never allow myself to be walked over but I had to learn it the hard way . I hope you will grow strong and independent and know you deserve better . Wishing you a bright happy independent future . He's a user . Walk on by . Best wishes .

Errors · 30/12/2024 12:02

Blueglazzier · 30/12/2024 09:09

I'm speaking from a reflective memory as I'm an old lady now , but your words remind me of myself when I was young and needy and so wanted to be loved I would put up with anything and can you believe anyone! I look back at me and wish that I had been stronger , I allowed myself to be treated badly and was a fool . I was co-dependant . My self esteem came as I learned to live alone and began to know myself . The woman I am now would never allow myself to be walked over but I had to learn it the hard way . I hope you will grow strong and independent and know you deserve better . Wishing you a bright happy independent future . He's a user . Walk on by . Best wishes .

Thank you so much for the beautifully worded and wise kick up the arse xx

OP posts:
TwinkleLights24 · 30/12/2024 12:04

You’ll be glad he fucked off soon enough.

MollyFitz · 30/12/2024 19:06

Blueglazzier · 30/12/2024 09:09

I'm speaking from a reflective memory as I'm an old lady now , but your words remind me of myself when I was young and needy and so wanted to be loved I would put up with anything and can you believe anyone! I look back at me and wish that I had been stronger , I allowed myself to be treated badly and was a fool . I was co-dependant . My self esteem came as I learned to live alone and began to know myself . The woman I am now would never allow myself to be walked over but I had to learn it the hard way . I hope you will grow strong and independent and know you deserve better . Wishing you a bright happy independent future . He's a user . Walk on by . Best wishes .

I'm glad you said this - I needed to hear this, Christmas, my birthday and lots of contact for our 6 Yr old has meant lots of communication with my ex.

I left him at the start of Nov after I caught him having cheated in Aug. His behaviour following being caught was horrible and to be fair, he treated me less like a wife and more like a PA for years.

But it's been really hard, I've found myself struggling these last few days, feeling like I miss him, feeling unbelievably hurt, devastated and just shattered as I relive all the grieving for our marriage.

I'm a people pleaser, always put everyone else's feelings and wants before my own. Christmas and birthday without him, after 26 years together has been immensely hard, even surrounded by family. I needed to hear your words today, thank you.

Blueglazzier · 30/12/2024 22:57

MollyFitz ❤️

Sadly I'm old now as I said above , my life has been such a learning curve and it seems only age brings wisdom and hindsite . Life is so hard isn't it. I took it all with a stupid smile and made the life of the men in my life better and when they walked away my life felt devastated. Like you lovely young women I gave myself away . ....for what I ask myself , they never looked back and 20 years on I am alone anyway . Never give yourself away , you deserve better and you are worthy . Life is so very short . They need to be grateful to have You in their life . Best wishes

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