Advice Please

[ThisTicklishOtter]

On and off with ex wife . Now on for 4 months . Our existence is based of the roles we’ve bother assumed . I work work , she works and in turn ends up being with the kids more so than me - context

fast forward to Christmas , I lost my mother around this time of the year 10 and this year it’s really hit me hard and I explained to my partner that I was having a hard time this year

in my own selfish inconsiderate bubble I didn’t get anyone presents including her .

she wasn’t and shouldn’t be fine with this but why do I feel not seen ? Why do I feel like my struggle over this time of the year has gone ignored and taken a back seat because of the lack of a present

I’m only posting so I don’t over react because everything I’m coming up with is ending with “END IT “

Male advice????

I think on again off again or whatever it is isn't healthy for the kids. Sort it out.

If you are still suffering from deep dark grief after 10 years I suggest you seek some therapy.

Maybe make it up to her? I know it's not Christmas now but maybe get her a little something and apologise?

Have you seeked therapy/counselling? Grief is a very hard thing to go through and can come and go even if it has been 10 years you may need to seek some support for this, especially as it's your mum too.

You need to see a therapist if grief from a bereavement ten years ago means you can't buy your "on and off" ex-wife a present for Christmas.
I don't know what advice you expected to get really. You say yourself that you are selfish and inconsiderate. Maybe work on that.

And yes, I think you should end it. It's obviously not working. There's obviously a backstory as to why your marriage ended but you are now on and off again. That's not healthy. If you really cared about your ex-wife and whoever the other people were you didn't get presents for (your children?) you would have made the effort and not wallowed in the grief from a bereavement a decade ago.

I've lost both parents and while we don't all grieve in the same way it's not normal to be behaving like you are 10 years after the death and that's why you should seek therapy and/or grief counselling.