Wondering how many actually LTB?

[PeppyPanda]

Just that really, if you posted on here and it was suggested to leave, did you in the end?
Those that did, those that didn’t…

I have been thinking about writing a post here for support/advice as am thinking about leaving my DP but I am pretty certain it’d be suggested to get my ducks in a row and consider leaving.
My ducks are broadly in a row, and it’s something I am really considering. I guess I just don’t see many updates on how people got on after the ‘LTB’ comments!

There’s so many nuances to my situation (stepkids (and the complexities that brings), my ND daughter, instability of DP mental health, conflicting thoughts in my head… just not sure if I’m quite there yet… despite this thought mulling around in my head for the last year or so… and just general fear of regret/loneliness).
I just think it was be near on impossible to write it down on one post!

Do you feel like you need "permission" to LTB?

Perhaps this could be your new year's resolution!

I'm in the same position, OP. I've changed my name to come on your thread to have a chat (hopefully) because I'm honestly stumped now about what comes next.

I wouldn't know where to start posting about the whole situation, but I read lots of other posters' threads and mostly agree with the advice to leave/separate.

But that fear of regret is real.

@PeppyPanda I left. My ex was an abusive alcoholic and I had two children under 2. It took an additional 3 months for him to leave the property and only after i left myself physically and found him somewhere to move to. He got sober after about 3 more years. Still has a temper.

Regrets: Sometimes he comes across really well and I feel a warmth to him but I remind myself of the anger issues which are there.
Financially : I was always solvent
Children : they love their dad, talk daily but see him every couple of months. They have a distant relationship
Relationships : I'm dating but took almost 7 years to get here, yet still I bear the emotional scars of abuse.

Still the right decision to leave and I'm glad I had these forums to use

I left, but 12 years after my first thread on mumsnet when I was told to LTB.

When I started therapy, I went back and found my earlier posts (a handful over 10 years) and cried because I couldn't see it at the time and didn't listen.

I'm fine now, out the other side and living a calm amd happy life.

I LTB about three months after a thread I posted on here.

9 years ago.

I met my now DH 4 years ago and my life is happy 😊

I can't remember if I did post about my relationship but I did read SO many similar posts. Then I did LTB. Best thing I ever did. Of course it wasn't all a bed of roses, but it's MY bed. Can share it or not.

I have two regrets which are that Mumsnet didn't exist when I was still young, and that I didn't LTB earlier.

Sometimes LTB isn't a simple process for those that don't have the means or funds, yet have children to support, and I feel sad for those people.

I've never started a thread about my own situation, but I had wanted to LTB for many years, just didn't know how to go about it and had no funds to do it anyway. My kids were around 19/20 when I finally did leave. I wish I'd found a way to do it much sooner as the relief and the freedom was immense. My advice is, if your situation is non-retrievable, and you have the means, then do it. Don't be put off by fear of the unknown, or fear of regret. It generally doesn't get any better if you stay. Usually things deteriorate further. Life is short. Live it as you want to.

I did.

I have been here a very long time and posted way back then as I was upset that when ex went away for work trip, he hid my vibrator away. I posted here to ask others what they thought about it.

I then answered a few questions posters asked me and it just hit home about that an absolutely abusive situation I was in. And I didn't even realise it. I was the true example of boiled frog syndrome.

I have been divorced from him for almost 10 years now. And if I hadn't posted I am not sure where I would be now.

I know the ltb term gets thrown around a lot now, and yes it gets a bit overused. But there are times when it is exactly what you need to hear from an outside perspective.

I did go into another relationship about 2 years after the divorce. It didn't work out after 2 years, so have remained single. And I am now the happiest I have been my entire adult life.

We didn't get divorced right away though. It took me about 2 years to actually take the plunge to do it.

My view is that most people asking ‘should I go’ are told here to LTB. Sometimes it seems unjustified based on the original post - but often this is really the tip of the iceberg and yes, the advice was right. But if you’re asking, I think you probably know the answer already. To the poster who asked about needing permission - no, nobody needs permission, what they need is reassurance when it’s hard to seek support from friends and family.
You’ll know what’s right for you. You know what it will be like to stay, that it will be tough to go; but only you will know if you can be happy carrying on or whether you need to go to find your happy.

I did LTB. He was abusive and I'm better without him, I have my own home which I love and have made nice. I have a new partner who treats me with love and respect. I'm so glad I'm not with him anymore but it's been so hard.
The kids are struggling a bit, the abuse hasn't stopped (it's mainly what he can control, manipulation through the kids) and I can't get anything from my ex as I can't afford to take him to court. He has the kids 50/50 which is supported by the law so that's really hard to handle.
Overall it was the right thing as it was awful for me and the kids while we were together and they can now see what a loving relationship is. But I'm having to accept a very different version of motherhood.