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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband not sexually attracted to me in pregnancy and it’s ruining my self esteem

1 reply

Likeatigre · 29/12/2024 21:32

Sorry if this would have been better placed in the pregnancy forum but I’m actually not sure pregnancy is definitely the problem here - I hope it is, and that things will go back to normal afterwards, but at the moment it feels like I’ve crossed over some threshold and now am just in a very desexualised relationship. I’m currently in the third trimester and don’t feel particularly like I want sex anyway, but it is bothering me that DH literally never initiates anymore. We get into bed and say goodnight and that’s that, and I don’t get the feeling it’s because he’s not wanting to impose himself on me, more that he just doesn’t want to have sex with me. It upsets me because pre-pregnancy we would have sex daily. I know it’s really fair enough for him to not want sex at the moment, like feeling the baby moving might be off putting, and it’s not like we don’t cuddle/kiss etc but I just keep remembering how it used to be and how sexually orientated he can be/used to be, and the difference between that and now is just making me feel so frumpy and awful. I tried talking to him about it and he denied there was a problem, and I don’t really want to bring it up again because I don’t want to pressure him or for him to feel like it’s an obligation, but I just keep imagining what he’d be like with another new/non pregnant woman compared to how he is with me and it just makes me feel so low. I don’t think my body has changed massively in pregnancy, obviously I have a big bump but I haven’t really gained weight anywhere else, don’t have stretchmarks etc. I really don’t know what to do to make myself feel better and less unattractive, I guess I’m just looking for people with similar experiences… even if not pregnancy related, how did you get out of a no sex slump?

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 29/12/2024 21:40

There could be loads of reasons that sex has dwindled. If this is your first child he may be worried about you physically, he might feel weird about having sexual when you are carrying his baby, he may not want you to feel pressured into having sex if you’re not really up for it, he might be aware that you’re tired/sore/emotional/uncomfortable and not want to make it worse for you. I’d be willing to bet that it’s more likely to be something like that than him not being attracted to you anymore. Pregnancy hormones can really dent a woman’s self esteem. Maybe you should talk to him about it again and tell him how you feel. Tell him you’re feeling vulnerable and that your self esteem has taken a bit of a nose dive. Your DH is with you. You are having his baby. I assume he adores you. Talk to him.

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