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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Christmas walkout - big mess

2 replies

WinnieWalksAway · 29/12/2024 15:55

Advice needed/any experiences that might help. Female family member walked out on her partner on Boxing Day. They’ve been together since they were 15 yrs old, now they’re 34. They have 2 DCs, 4 & 8. He is just a weak and unpleasant man. At times over the years she’s tried to leave him but he plays on her vulnerabilities (e.g death of a parent when she was 20, her diagnosis of chronic illness) and weasels back. It’s become extremely toxic in the last year and he uses the children to get at her (telling them mummy is mad, getting the 8 year old an ear piercing without discussion, saying he’ll leave and never come back, then saying he’ll take the kids to Dubai and they’ll all never come back. At Christmas the 4 year old casually commented that his toy was a ‘f**king bitch’ during a family quiz). So, it’s an emotionally damaging environment. They’re not married and jointly own their house. She is significantly better off than him with a great career, savings, family could also support and she could buy him out, which she’s looked into in recent months. She’s now at her mum’s - not a long term solution practically at all for mum & step dad, but she is talking like she can wait it out there as the twat is refusing to leave the family house. He doesn't want to split and just says she needs to come back - he’s not going. She’s spoken briefly to a solicitor who said don’t let him in if he comes over - and she’s been advised she can go to court this week to attempt to get an occupation order, but my impression is she’ll need a lot of evidence of his behaviour, which she doesn’t have apart from her account of things - and text msgs I suppose. Or do courts award occupation based on children’s needs and tend to favour mothers? I really don’t know. Will this be a long process where she has to stay at her mum’s which is really not ideal for any of them? We don’t think he’ll see reason. He is a idiot and his family are idiots who will not be giving him wise counsel. I know there’ll be some of you out there with experiences of this sadly. Any wise words welcome!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/12/2024 16:02

If she wants to buy him out she needs to get the house valued, and work out how she can cobble together what she needs to buy him out.
And she needs to see a solicitor ASAP.

Ladybyrd · 29/12/2024 16:40

It's a bad move to move out. I know it's probably better for the children, but in her position I'd have stayed and dug my heels in. She needs to get the ball rolling asap.

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