Acording to current Mumsnet guidelines you MUST finish a relationship before starting another one... OK, I totally agree, now, if you do too, please give me some advice

[Itsmeindisguise]

Ok, currently under disguise as DexH still patrols MN's perimeters from time to time. (sh*t! had just added a third man to the equation )

Ok. Background.
Marriage over in very good terms last year. 3-4 ago months I "met" someone in internet, it was not in a dating site, we studied similar degrees and had a good time debating... well yes, humanities. So what started as a good debate online, became hours long chats on internet phone (every day), he is an absolutely adorable person, I do like him very much but do realise we have very different backgrounds and live a long way away of each other, which are very likely to become serious incompatibilities in the future. But he is the kindest person on the whole planet and well, after so much time talking on internet we decided to meet in RL a month ago, and from there things have moved quite quickly although I have drawn the line in some others as I didn't consider myself ready. In all this time I had started to fell for him, but always with some reticence in my mind about how workable that was. He is very serious about this, and ... he seems very inlove, I do like him a lot but those "incompatibilities" have not found, yet, a way out of my head.

Problem:

Problem is I met another person through a friend last week. And he is also lovely but unlike the other, we have so many things in common. I have found myself texting common friend this morning to tell her about the state of confusion just to be told that he has rang her too to ask if I am "available". Although I understand I can not leave a relationship for a person I have just met, meeting this person has made me more doubtful about the incompatibilities with the other one. So.... I really don't want to hurt the other one, he is so adorable, but I realise now that it is highly unlikely for that relationship to succeed So how do I leave it without hurting him too much, things seemed to go so well just a week ago, and I don't want, not at all, to hurt him.

Any suggestions?

Talking about sparks... I think there is more chemistry with internet man, probably comming from endless chats. Man 2... it is a bit of a strange feeling, it feels... just... right... I have only felt like that with one man (exH- mind you, we are no longer together so I may not be trusting my first impressions so much...)

you have had a long time to build up the attraction with internet man.

If Man 2 hadn't come along, what were your plans with Internet man? The way you describe him - "adorable", "kind", "like him very much" don't really sound to me like love. I guess, for me, I've never moved on from having those kinds of feelings about someone to really falling in love with them - that kind of relationship tended to drift apart IYSWIM? It sounds like he was a friend when you needed someone, and (sorry if I'm off-beam here) better than being on your own.

I don't think you would have reacted the way you did to Man 2 if you really felt your relationship with Internet man was going somewhere.

It is strange really, as I have been feeling like a 14 year old (butterflies in the stomach and all that) for Internet man. I don't really want to enter into much detail here but, I think that he is really committed. Considering my feelings for him I thought it was worth trying to make things work, but meeting this new guy had left me wondering about how real my feelings were.

What worries me the most is that Man 1 is TOTALLY unaware of what is comming , has texted me three times today saying he loves me and miss me. I feel awful.

was it inly a month ago you actually met internet man i htink its a bit full on to be saying i love you already?

I know, but considering we were spending an average of 3 hrs on the phone a day... I think we have got to know each other quite well.

Now... considering exH proposed one month into dating me... I am not exactly that surprised.

ah right

well i guess if things move fast then it makes these things moire difficult you just have to bite the bullet and tell him at the least you are not ready to make that kind of commitment yet

and in an unexpected turn of events... got invited to a dinner today along with Man 2, who has walked me home and said to be very interested in me, I mentioned about internet man and how I felt about the subject and... that I didn't like the idea of seeing 2 people at once. He has agreed to wait until I can, kindly, let Internet man go.

Now wish me (him)luck, I'm seeing Internet man tomorrow.

Good luck!

By the way you seem to have a few spare men, may I borrow one please...have not met anyone eligible in 3 years

I must be in the wrong place!

Fwiw I reckon man 2 is the one. Go for it. You can't help not loving internet man, he will understand if he is nice.
He will also find someone else.

Internet and phone are not real life, as such, and it is easy to get swept up when you really don't have a solid idea of what they are like...I can tell (weirdy music) that you have a gut instinct internet man is not the one for you. Otherwise you wouldn't be so worried about all this, you'd just know iyswim...

Man 2, deffo. Keep calm but be firm with internet blokey. He can cyber stalk someone else

You aren't committed to either man- so lighten up! Why can't you see both and stop being so serious about it all? It's called playing the field. Time will give you the answer you want- man no. 2 might turn out to be awful, or he may not like you in a month's time! Just keep seeing them both on a casual basis until you feel more strongly.