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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I the problem

5 replies

iamaleo18 · 28/12/2024 19:48

Been together for over 20 yrs. There's so much to go into. Partner has always been jealous even of my friends. We ended up moving away which I actually wanted to do and I don't regret it. Partner says I never show him affection and that's why he is insecure I think i don't show him affection because I hold resentment. I grew up with a step dad that sexually and physically abused me, I wasn't allowed to have friends and wasn't allowed to go anywhere. With my first boyfriend it was pretty much the same. With my partner he doesn't like me having male friends, getting agro and stops talking to me if I want to do things with friends (especially if it involves alcohol or going out.. even for lunch or dinner). Whinges if we only have sex once a week.
He smokes and drinks. We are in debt up to our eyeballs and never have money to do things we want to do or go on holidays. He has social anxiety and he doesn't believe in getting help.
We had things happen with our daughter with sexting and online stuff so now he is controlling with her. Gets agro if she wants too hang with friends because he's scared the online stuff will happen again. His behaviour is causing mental health issues with our kids. He has a short fuse. But is never physical abusive. When I try to talk to him he just puts it all back on me but everyone else around us even our own kids can see he is the problem.
I want to help him get past this as I don't want to leave but dealing with this for 20+ years takes it toll.
There is so much more i could write that's not even half of it

OP posts:
TitusMoan · 28/12/2024 19:49

Why don’t you want to leave?

iamaleo18 · 28/12/2024 20:52

@TitusMoan he is the love of my life. I can't see myself with anyone else. I know it sounds weird because of the way he is but surely we should try couples counselling first and then if things don't change maybe that's my only option

OP posts:
Musicalmistress · 28/12/2024 21:15

You are absolutely not the problem, he is. By all means try couples therapy but it doesn't sound like he has any intention of or impetus to change.

Motnight · 28/12/2024 21:17

iamaleo18 · 28/12/2024 20:52

@TitusMoan he is the love of my life. I can't see myself with anyone else. I know it sounds weird because of the way he is but surely we should try couples counselling first and then if things don't change maybe that's my only option

And that over rides the fact that he is negatively affecting your kids ' mental health?

Francine84 · 28/12/2024 21:27

Not sure what this post is meant to achieve, if he won't get help and you don't want to leave?

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