Never posted on here before and not really sure what I'm looking for. Maybe just for someone to say they feel the same as I feel like a crazy person.
Been with DH for almost 10 years, married for 5 and have a 4 year old and 1 year old.
I've always known he watched porn and I did on occasion too but recently my views on it have totally changed. ( Don't know if it's to do with becoming a mum or something)
Anyway one evening when I was downstairs watching telly with husband after an episode of a show we were watching together ended he said are you going to bed now, as he wanted to watch an episode of another show he watching on his own (he's an night owl and I'm now so this isn't unusual for me to go to bed first.) anyway I had went upstairs got ready for bed brushed my teeth and then remembered id wanted to get something from downstairs it had been like 10 mins since I'd left. Got to the living room door and he jumped up and said oh you caught me I was about to have a wank. I got angry straight away and was like did you just want rid of me to do that to which he said of course not I genuinely just made a snap decision to... But I was hurt as I would have been game for some sex if he had said. I need to say the issue wasn't that he masturbated I don't care about that it was the thought that he would rather watch porn than have sex with me and I said this to which he said if course not it's two completely different things we then had a conversation and he admitted that he watches 2-3 times a week when we have sex once a week and let's just say I would have sex every day if he was up for it. We do have good sex and I am up for anything. We kind of resolved it after that but inside I was still annoyed thinking of him watching porn and at that frequency. Fast forward a couple of weeks and one night when I was in bed with our 4 year old as he was unsettled. I was aware of him watching porn in our room. The next day I was off with him and after him questioning me I was honest and let him know how it made me feel and that I was shocked when he admitted the frequency that id be happy with more sex and he said he'd cut back ect. Then there was another heated discussion over porn and me not being able to accept that it has nothing to do with me i.e he's looking at these other women and wishing I was like that so we both agreed I should talk to someone. So I have been in therapy now for 5 weeks (not just over the porn thing also family issues) Fast forward another couple of weeks we had been having more sex maybe 2-3 times a week and he actually came to me and said that he was worried that he was going to start feeling pressured into having sex with me as it was worrying him if we weren't having it more than once then I wouldn't be happy. He's admitted he thinks he has a problem porn and was doing it too often but doesn't think there is anything wrong with watching porn although he has cut back but now every time he does it (I often know when he has because a couple of tell tail signs) I can't help but feel like shit and betrayed. I don't want to feel like this and I feel crazy for doing so but there's a part of me that's like why can't he just stop even though I would never ask him to.