Would you go on a 4th date?

[LydiaHenry]

Met him online and went on a 3rd date at his house - he cooked. We get on well and he seems well adjusted.

He has never been married and has no children.

At the end of dinner I asked him how long was his longest relationship and he said ‘3 months’ - I thought I didn’t hear properly and clarifies but yes - his longest relationship was 3 months and no woman wanted to go beyond the 3 months mark. I asked why and he simply replied with ‘they don’t like it’

At this point I was weirded out and as it was late I decided to leave without asking any more questions.

He is highly educated, has a very respectful job (all verified) and from what he says he is from a normal family, parents still together, sister is married with kids.
He is 53.

He wants a 4th date and I could then ask some more probing questions but is it really worth it? I can’t think of a good reason why a 53 year old man never had a relationship last longer than 3 months.
On one hand I’m curious but on the other I feel like it is just too weird. But should I just discard without knowing?

Also I would feel uncomfortable having to ask again since the answer he given is too simplistic.

Stop analyzing and see what happens

Thanks for sharing

How do you view / feel about potential partners wanting to know?
Is it too intrusive?

At what point would you be willing to share anything at all or would rather never talk about it and try to creating something anyway?

I dont promote oversharing but to me not knowing some basic stuff about someone’s past relationship would probably feel like building without foundations.

If he has some sort of 'flaw' surely he knows it going to get out at some point? A string of women haven't waited 3 months to find it....

I'd definitely just ask again and press for more of an explanation. You're already having doubts, so there's nothing to lose!

Just ask him OP. Just say you've been thinking about his response and ask him to clarify what the 'it' is that women don't like! Then at least you know if you want a 4th date or not.

I'd have been too curious to know what he meant to have left it!

Clearly something doesn't sit right with you OP so you are right to back off...although asking more over the phone is a good idea. Getting ready for dates which end up disappointing is such a waste of time!

To be honest, I'm 44 and my longest relationship has been a year, so I'm sure lots would run a mile from me too.

They don’t like it
They don't like what?

Sorry, but after three dates, I don't think he owes you anything.

I would give him a chance. If you really liked him, surely it's worth finding out, or you could risk not being with someone you were meant to be with. And if it doesn't work out, at least then you know.

It would be very unusual to have had no relationships more than three months. You need to know what he means. Send him a text now and ask!

I also would love to know what they don't like!

Look, if he's good company, attractive to you, and a possibility apart from the lack of history I would give him the benefit of the doubt for a few dates. Don't make it the only topic of conversation but I would try and get to the bottom of his explanation.

In my experience (mid 30s to 40s rather than 50s professionals with quite long training periods as I did quite a bit of filtering by education and profession, for good or bad, on OLD), I met a lot of very nice men who hadn't had much experience of long relationships as they had been very career and education focussed.

Don't get overinvested as it is unusual, you're right but I'd hear him out if you like him otherwise. People have different priorities in life. He might be a fetishist or something but he may just never have particularly wanted the traditional 2.4 kids family as a younger man, or met quite the right woman with the same priorities. Lots of reasons.

The fact he's never dated anyone for longer than three months, perhaps?

If OP is prepared to cut him loose for this reason alone, it doesn't seem implausible that other women might have done the same.

This OP!

@LydiaHenry you both sound very cautious. I would just ask him what he meant.

I agree ....and the "they don't like it" could have been an invitation to you to ask more as he may not have wanted to offer up the information uninvited.

I feel for him if that's the case.

You won't know unless you ask.

My DP hadn't been with anyone longer than 6m before me. Although was much younger.

Interesting question, there's no right or wrong answer. I agree with you. I personally feel that it's not intrusive and potential partners are perfectly entitled to ask about my lack of relationship history after several dates (and likewise me theirs). Others may feel that one's history is private, and that viewpoint is fine, too.

FWIW I do not think you're wrong for asking, and you're right to still be curious about his answer. (What did he mean by "it" for example)

If "it" means violent controlling behaviour then no one would blame you for running.

If "it" means his choice in socks then maybe benefit of the doubt would be best.

I don't know him of course, maybe he's an arse and maybe he is not. But it's possible that he is not-an-arse who has been asking himself all this time what is so wrong with him that his romantic life hasn't been as active as everyone else's. If he's anything like me he'll probably have developed a few damaging beliefs as to why he is unloveable. Maybe "it" is one of those.