Interaction with ex boyfriend

[HowamImiddleaged]

Just looking for other's opinions on the power imbalance in the relationship with my ex and whether he has a superiority complex?

Met my ex of 9 years recently, split up 12 years ago. Stayed in touch on and off over the years. Both now single so we met up a few times to chat. He is 9 years older than me, we met when I was 24, he was separated with kids.

There was a power imbalance from day one but I didn't recognise it. Obviously he was older but he was always keen to tell me how fabulous his ex wife was which I found difficult as a 24 year old who was quite immature. He always had the most together friends, he considered himself quite elitist due to his profession and past sporting life, his children were perfect, he knew all there was to know about child rearing etc. I being immature probably looked up to him a bit. I loved him deeply but I always felt an inferior complex around him.

I ended it and moved on quickly which I think he never got over even though he keeps telling me how over me he is while proceeding to get angry at me about the past. Never mind that he broke my heart by being so emmeshed with his ex/family life (not kids, I understood that part).

Roll on to now. Bangs on about how great his kids are, how emotionally mature they are, how together he is, how he only knows a few emotionally together people, lecturing me about my life/choices when I chatted to him about some bits, lectures his sister on her love life, how I haven't my st together (I'm human, stuff has happened in my life), how him and I could never be together because he doesn't deal with anyone who hasn't their st together.

I was taken aback and now I'm quite angry with our interactions. Needless to say I won't be keeping in touch. I feel the need to react to him at some point and put him back in his box but I don't know if I will.

Is this a superiority complex or what?

He sounds arrogant and self absorbed. It’s all well and good him saying he’s got his life together etc etc but presumably it hasn’t all been great if he’s found himself where he is at this stage of his life.

I always feel like people sitting there judging others usually actually aren’t superior at all and don’t have the characteristics they preach to others about.

Don't stay in touch … he sounds like a right berk … and even if you do react and try to get your point across what’s the point, he will only say you are wrong because he likely won’t have the maturity or emotional intelligence to be able to self reflect.

He needs to tell people how good he is as nobody else is saying it and he craves this validation.
I would get in contact with him and say it was good to meet/converse recently as it really clarifies exactly why you do not want to be with him. Do it sweetly and polite but cut to the bone.

He’s a twat, don’t waste anymore headspace on him.

He needs to tell himself all this stuff because the actual truth is that he's not got his st together in any way, shape or form, and knows it.
You, on the other hand, have got your ducks in a row doing synchronised swimming and very much have your life sorted. He can't acknowledge this though, because he was the best thing to have ever happened in your life and without him, it's impossible for you to be happy and fulfilled.
Honestly, get rid of him off social media and stop giving him air time. He's not worth your oxygen.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I guess meeting him again after all these years, older and wiser, I was taken aback as to how superior he behaves, it really irritated me.

Oh, this is what he's telling himself, to make himself feel better! The reality is, he hasn't got his shit together at all!! He believes he should have and wants to, so it's easier to tell everyone he has, than have to face the fact he hasn't!! Let's face it, if he was so great, he wouldn't have separated from his child's Mother and now wouldn't be single!! If he suggests meeting again, I'd politely decline and block him.