Never extending Christmas dinner invitation again

[WhiteRosesAndCandles]

I've had enough of this miserable bugger. For most of 25 years I have had DH's uncle for Christmas dinner. His behaviour and manners have got progressively worse. I always challenge him, not sure why he bothers.

Brought his favourite bottle of wine as a present. Turned out he opened and drank it. No other present or contribution. Complained about TV choices, games and the DC being too loud (happy)

Gave massive hints about New Years Day. Told him he is not invited. We are having a quiet one after a rough couple of months. I still fully expect a call or dropping something in on the day with a sad face. He will not be having dinner here.

He will no doubt be on his own for Christmas next year. He has siblings and other nieces and nephews. It's their own fault.

I was over it a while ago and would have been happy to tell him. My dad died recently. It has given me a new perspective and attitude.

Well done for asserting yourself op. Us women are our own worst enemies sometimes! We keep being generous and kind in the hope and expectation that it may be doing someone some good, or that it might just be acknowledged one day, or reciprocated a tiny bit, or even appreciated! And it rarely is! Sometimes we don't know why we are doing it and it's because we have been socialised to care and be kind!

This sounds like an awful thing to say but in some (not all) cases, people are lonely for a reason! And that's, bluntly, because they are selfish buggers!

I went to a hobby group once and there were two older men there, who were a bit, shall we say, awkward. One I included in the round of drinks I bought my girlfriends every single month for approximately ten years. He never once reciprocated!

The other guy I gave a lift to every month for about six years and it was about ten minutes off my own route. On the one occasion I couldn't do this, because of illness, instead of being graceful about it and wishing me a speedy recovery, he started complaining and asking if I would send a taxi to collect him at my own expense!

That was the turning point for me. Never again! I told him he could make his own way there!

Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth in the saying, "no good deed goes unpunished".

Life is too short to spend time with people that bring nothing to to table.

You don't have to be the life and soul of a party. If your hosts want to play a party game, I think you should join in with good grace or bow out politely.

I cannot abide passive aggressive comments. I'm not spending time with unkind, rude people.

And yet you’ve spent a quarter of a century doing it while simmering with resentment. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just say no all those years ago? Or ‘Look, X, if you accept our invitation, that means you deal with a good grace with the TV volume, the children’s volume and games.’

@NobleDeeds of course I have said "Look, X, if you accept our invitation, that means you deal with a good grace with the TV volume, the children’s volume and games.". I make it clear we will be watching Doctor Who because one of the DC loves it. When they complain, as they inevitably do, I suggest it's time to go, and fetch their coat.

I've also asked them to stop chewing with an open mouth and clacking cutlery on the plate. It bothers one of the DC so much they have to leave the table. I shouldn't have to tell a grown up this once, never mind every year. I would rather they left the table rather than the DC.

They have got progressively worse. OH is kinder than I am and wouldn't see them alone on Christmas Day. They only have themselves to blame.