I feel so alone

[Ahouseinvermont]

I have very few friends (one friend I see 4 times a year, one friend who sees me 3 times a year and a friendship group I'm part of so get occasional invites to group meet ups. Small number of other people message occasionally.

I'm a single mum, children with special needs work full time in a role where I don't really see anyone.

My family barely have anything to do with me.

It didn't used to be like this.

7/8 years ago things were different. I had a lot of friends. Prior to this id always had lots of friends. Great social life. Always had friends over. Lots of invitations.

For lots of reasons it's hard to make new friends now (limited time and my children struggle in company).

I have some mental health issues.

I'm lonely and desperate for connections.

I wish I could have most of my old life back..😥.

I often feel detached and have memory issues too (doctor think memory issues are linked to stress).
Life is hard.

I'd love to be in a relationship. I'd love to have new friends.

You are definitely wrong.

I've been on mumsnet a long time. I just changed my username.

Please report me if you don't think I'm real.

I'm up at this time because my children don't sleep.

Reached out on here because I'm feeling so awful.

In future report posts you don't trust rather than wrongly accusing someone of being a troll. Doesn't feel nice.

I apologise. The late night troll has sooo many posts on tonight and each are more disturbing than the last.

Can you join any groups to meet new people? What are your hobbies?

I literally didn't know there was a 'late night troll'.

No- I can't join groups. I have no free time. No childcare for my children (except school).
When they are in school, I work.

They go to 2 SEN groups each week but I need that limited time to do a million jobs I can only do in those times (get my car serviced, go to GP appointments for myself, buy clothes, pick up prescriptions..).

I see so few people. I'd love to join a choir or a drama group.

My mother saw all of this in me once and her very helpful advice was “get a grip” (long term Midwife).

she told me to look at all the positives and focus on them. Embrace what you have rather than what you don’t have.

I can’t have kids so you’re already one step ahead of me.

life is tough for most of us but if we realise how lucky we are we often find we are the best version of ourselves.

I can relate here - I think being single parent or co parent can make you feel very alone. Kids are your priority and the time you have without them, is used to recharge and get ready for them coming back. Over time this chips away at your own social life and you find yourself seeing less of people and drifting

this has happened to me - I used to be quite sociable, good family, building for the future. Then divorce came and everything unravelled. Here I am , 8 years later and feeling very lonely like OP. And the thought of how to get back to that old life seems impossible.

DM me if you want @Ahouseinvermont :)

Just be lucky you haven't got an abusive male in your life. You are stronger on your own.

Maybe consider changing jobs to a role where you aren't working remotely as much? I'm sure that practically there are benefits to how you work now, but if you're lonely/unhappy maybe it's one aspect you could change?

Are you getting everything you're eligible for in terms of financial support as your children's carer, are they eligible for anything? Might be worth speaking to an adviser to make sure you are?

Could you work less and rely on the benefits system more? Work is important and valuable not just in terms of a wage, but if it's not helping your MH, maybe less hours would enable you to have more of a life?

Sorry you're feeling like this, it's a particularly lonely time around Xmas and New Year.

Unfortunately I can't change roles at the moment. If I didn't remotely. I couldn't work at all. Because it's remote it's very flexible so If my children are ill, I can make up my hours in the evening. It would be much better for my mental health to have a job where I could see colkeagues/ share an office but that's not going to be possible for sometime. Also my work is something that makes me feel good. I don't want to lose that.

To be fair most people don't have a lot of friends and I've read that you can only count the number of real friends on one hand. You sound like you are having a difficult time at the moment. WFH can be brilliant but can also be isolating. Is there anything you can do that would get you out more? Walking for instance? Connecting with nature can be a boost for mental health. Try to think of small positive changes you can incorporate into your daily life. Get out even if you don't feel like it, often you'll be glad that you did.

Really the only time I'm always free is my lunchtime- half an hour. I wish I had someone to go for a walk with in my lunch.

I do need to exercise more.

But can't you go to the office on good days when your dcs are well & in school.

Or as a single, remote-working mum, I used to....

• Go to the local parish coffee morning once every two weeks
• Spend my lunch hour in the local art centre
• Take my laptop and work in a favourite cafe one afternoon
• go for a run at lunchtime and say hello to my neighbours as I passed

You need to get out of the house doing something. Use your lunch hour to good effect. You won't find adult conversation if you stay indoors.

Online book clubs or other groups?

@Meadowfinch Thanks so much for these ideas. I need to see what's out there locally that I could do in my lunch.

My work only has offices in other countries unfortunately so no option for going into the office

I’ve heard there are online singing groups and choirs - sounds like fun. Would you consider joining a child-friendly local church? At the very minimum think you should go for a walk at lunchtime and see what you can do when you are having a walk as suggested by Meadowfinch. .

Funny you should mention church, we literally joined a church last week! I'm hoping to get to know people there. Due to my kids disabilities it's not easy for them to go to children's clubs in church but im.hoping I'll get to know people a bit anyway.

It's really hard to chat in front of my children. They don't let me talk for a minute. :-(.

Hello everyone, just a quick reminder that trollhunting is against our talk guidelines.

We've had a look and have no reason to believe this poster is not above board as they have been on the site for a while but if you do have specific concerns - please get in touch.

Sorry to barge into your thread OP.

I could have written your post. I do have a few friends that I see 3 or 4 times a year, one is a group that I might see twice a year if lucky! I work and have a child with complex needs and one older child too. I’m very isolated. It’s not easy to spontaneously meet people due to my sons needs and my oldest is now in comp so I don’t see any of the old school mums anymore. I too used to be a part of a big, fun friendship group, so many invitations to parties and nights out, cups of tea at each others houses and always someone to phone if I needed to chat.

Now my life is very different. I’m not a single parent but I’m in a bad marriage which I’ll be leaving in 2025. Wish I had some advice for you, I’m v.grateful for the friendships I do have and the theatre trips/meals out I have even if it’s only a few times per year. Some don’t have that. I am also trying to connect with more SN parents who are in a similar position. Sending hugs Xx

Hi GrootGroot, Please drop me a message if it would help to chat. :-).

You have got some very odd responses. Single parenting is very hard. Parenting of SN kids even harder. WFH is very isolating. No wonder you feel lonely!
I just dont know the solution except to join as many things as you can, online if need be. There are online choirs, book clubs and yoga groups.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. This thread has been helpful.

I'm looking into joining a regular online activity/ group. Might be a bit tricky because my children are bad sleepers. Does anyone any suggestions?

Also thinking lot about how I can make the most of my lunchtimes.
Thank you!