On Christmas Day we were due to visit a friend’s house at 1pm for a party with two other families invited. Their house is less than 10 minutes’ drive away, especially with the roads clear, so we were going to be a bit late but not terribly so. I texted our friends to say this and they replied it was ok.
I needed to blow dry my hair as I had a few minutes taken out from my usual routine (which I can do quite fast) as DH asked me to help trim his sideburns. Everything was quite calm, he thanked me and we were talking normally. I said I needed a couple of minutes for my hair.
We were out the door at 1:03pm as seen on the doorbell cam. At the car he asked me to open the boot. I held the rear door open and he barked “Out, out!” (as in get out of the way). He put down the bottle of champagne we were planning to bring on its side in the boot I said “That will roll and you need to stabilise it, or I can hold it while you drive,” and he suddenly got angry saying “I will fix it… Shut up!… Leave me alone!!”, yelling at me with the last part. I had not said anything more apart from what I wrote, and I wasn’t eye rolling or anything.
In the car he was jokey and made no reference to the incident. I was silent for a bit but we enjoyed ourselves at the party. Later that evening I told him he had been rude to me and he should apologise. He said it was my own fault for being late and so naggy, and did not apologise. He said he was stressed because we were late and I was giving obvious advice before he even had a chance to secure the bottle. Personally I didn’t think it was an issue being a few minutes late (other guests arrived later than we did) in this particular instance, and I’m normally ready to leave on time so I’m not chronically time blind or anything.
I don’t think I was being naggy with the single sentence that I said in what I think was a neutral tone (and it looked to me like he was going to leave the bottle to roll around in the boot). Outside of that incident I don’t nag him to do things but to be fair he does a lot without me asking: 50% or more of the cooking, all of the laundry, groceries, taking things to post office/dry cleaners, Amazon shopping for home items, driving me to all my hospital appointments, etc.
DH and I have been married for 20+ years with DS16 in Y11 studying for GCSEs. In the middle of 2024 I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and DS was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ASD (which has explained a lot about his attitude, difficulties at school, failing half his mock exams, etc).
DH has been brilliant throughout and has especially supported me. He is kind to me and DS, although often doesn’t see eye to eye with DS but now acknowledges it must have been the ADHD/ASD playing a part.
Am I being too sensitive about this episode? I do find DH getting grumpier as he gets older (we’re both 51), and the medical issues this year are a lot to deal with. He gets anxious when we leave later than planned, usually getting impatient with DS. Coupled with cabin fever as DH, DS and I have been cooped up at home since school broke up on 12th Dec with another week of holiday to go until 6th Jan, is it something to simply ignore?