Page 2 | Kids ignored by dh parents AIBU

Original poster

Lemonmelon1 · 27/12/2024 19:10

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/12/2024 17:02

Your posting history suggests your relationship with DH isn’t great and you resent your SC. I’m going to guess neither of these issues have gone unnoticed by DH’s parents / SC’s grandparents and they probably aren’t especially motivated to build relationships and treat your DC as family when there’s every chance that within a couple of years you’ll all be out of their lives entirely and they’ll never hear from your DC again. “Blended families” are often a bit of a misnomer like this.

Edited

For your reference the grandparents have nothing to do with my sc all year. They send money for their bday and it's only since I've been in their life that they have seen grandchild at Xmas time. Without me they never got to see their grandchild.
Yes I have massively struggled with adjusting to be a step mum. It is far harder than I ever expected. But I have brought a lot to my sc life that they wouldn't have had without me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lemonmelon1 · 27/12/2024 19:11

Barrenfieldoffucks · 27/12/2024 19:09

A card and a selection box, yes. But you have 3 kids and have only been together 3 years. It isn't the same as your mum buying your one step-child a present.

My mum spends around £10 on my sc. They could have bought a £1 selection pack and a card from a pack. It's the thought that counts. To totally ignore them like they don't exist isn't fair at all.
3 years may not seem long but that's not the point here.

OP posts:

BeingMeFinallySlowly · 27/12/2024 19:13

Lemonmelon1 · 27/12/2024 16:23

Been with my dh for 3 years now.
He has one dc from previous marriage and I have 3 dc.
Last year at Xmas we went to his parents with his dc. His dc had £100 and not even a card for mine.
This year we all went together. My sc got £100 and my kids totally ignored again.
I don't expect them to have money but at least a card would have been nice.
My mum on the other hand gets gifts for my sc for day, Xmas and Easter.
It really hurts that my kids get ignored and treated like they don't even exist.

Crikey I am a grandparent and for example my daughter married a year ago and my new son in law has kids so when I see things I pick them up something .
Children are children and making a child feel rejected can create trauma and ill-feeling.
Maybe a discreet word or don't go and let your husband go alone in future. Or invite then to your children's birthday parties so they can get the hint to get involved.

ThriveIn2025 · 27/12/2024 19:17

There’s no way I’d be exposing my children to that treatment.

Jewell25 · 27/12/2024 19:20

Your children are not going to be important to them-sorry. They’re not their grandchildren. 3 years is also not that long a relationship, so they may be wary of forming bonds with them. I wouldn’t expect presents tbh.

theallotmentqueen · 27/12/2024 19:20

I'd speak to your husband about this. I find it really weird that he hasn't talked to his parents about this. If I was in his situation, I would have been so embarrassed and upset by their treatment of your kids. Their treatment of your children, in my opinion, isn't just a reflection of how they view your kids but also how they feel about you. They don't have to view your children as their grandkids, but it honestly feels like a bit of a 'fuck you' to not give them ANYTHING. Surely a small present would be nice and make them feel included in the family? The point is that your kids should feel included and welcomed into your husband's family, and your husband should MAKE IT A POINT to include them, if not out of love for them, out of love for you. It feels to me like he's totally fine with your kids being isolated and excluded, which isn't ok.

SemperIdem · 27/12/2024 19:24

It is weird of them to not give anything at all, it is easy enough to pick up inexpensive but still nice gifts.

theallotmentqueen · 27/12/2024 19:27

Jewell25 · 27/12/2024 19:20

Your children are not going to be important to them-sorry. They’re not their grandchildren. 3 years is also not that long a relationship, so they may be wary of forming bonds with them. I wouldn’t expect presents tbh.

I get where you're coming from, but the point isn't really about their bond with the grandchildren, it's about being kind to some children who are in a situation they probably feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable in. In a similar vein, every year I buy a small present for my Dad's girlfriend, not because I feel particularly close with her (I see her about once a year), but because it would be making a point to get everyone else something and not her. It's also about making them feel welcome in the family - and the children should feel welcome in the family. And 3 years is in my opinion a very long time for a bond to form. They don't have to actually view OP's kids as thier flesh and blood grandchildren, but a bit of kindness would be great. No one is 'obligated' to do anything, but don't you find it a bit sad/pathetic that the grandparents wouldn't even spend £1 on a box of maltesers for the kids, to show them that they're welcome in the family? Irregardless of how they feel about OP's marriage to their son, the kids are innocent here and deserve not to feel shut out and excluded from the celebrations.

PinkyBlueMe · 27/12/2024 19:39

I agree and wouldn't take them again. DH's parents sound mean.
My parents always bought my step son a present when we visited over Christmas and they only met him a handful of times as he wasn't local.
DH's Aunt joined us one Christmas as she was at a loose end and we've never bought her a gift before but as she was with us we bought her a gift as did another guest so she wasn't left out. She's in her 70s. You have to be a special sort of thoughtless to leave children out. As you say OP a selection box would have been a gesture.

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/12/2024 19:40

My in-laws buy for my Children. From day one they were interested and accepted. That's why I love them

MyNewLife2025 · 27/12/2024 19:44

Lemonmelon1 · 27/12/2024 19:03

My dh can't drive so I am expected to take him there. It's too far to drop him, come home and then go get him again. Also nothing to do in the area with my children.
I'd never expect the same amount of money but £5 or a small selection pack would have been nice. It's the thought.

Show quote history

The word ‘expected’ is making me really uneasy tbh.
Im wondering who is expecting you to drive your dh plus dss there and spend the day with people who dint really want you there.

Is it your dh or his parents!

I agree a small token gesture would have been nice.

Original poster

Lemonmelon1 · 27/12/2024 19:46

@MyNewLife2025
It was them. We saw them Boxing Day last year and they expected the same this year. Didn't message until Xmas Eve and expected it and I said we already have other plans. So the meet up was today! They bee my dh can't drive so expected me to drop all my plans last minute to go up there.

OP posts:

MuggleMe · 27/12/2024 19:55

It's absolutely disgraceful not to buy a gift for a child that you're seeing at Christmas when you're giving a step sibling a gift. It would be different if your children weren't there to see it. It's not about treating them equally but about basic kindness. If I had a random neighbour over I'd buy them a box of biscuits. It's basic.