I just need some guidance

[Lonelymuma]

Hi ladies, so this summer gone my husband cheated on me with a sex worker. He says it was the only time. I asked him to move out and he did but he is refusing a divorce. It’s a long process. But we have been co parenting and being friends even for the sake of the kids. I will always love him he is the father to my children. It’s my own fault the other day I asked him why he couldn’t love me enough and why he is the way he is when we was in relationship but now his better person? He said it’s because when I had my son 5 years ago he came to me and said he is feeling depressed, I apparently said to him I can’t deal with this I have postnatal depression myself. I don’t recall this conversation but he apparently treated me not so great over the last 5 years for this reason. This has now made my mind go in to overdrive. I feel so bad, my character is trying to be a good person always I don’t intentionally hurt anyone and I was ill after I had my son. I am much better now.

Your husband is a low life and he's blaming you for his behaviour. I very much doubt he only saw one sex worker as it tends to be a compulsive habit.

If you haven't been for an STD test then get tested as soon as you can. Download a co-parenting app and block him on social media. I wouldn't have him in the house.

He can't refuse you a divorce. If he refuses to cooperate then get his divorce papers served to him. He'll probably try and screw you over so make sure you get advice. Wikivorce has lots of information.

You need to do some work on yourself if you're still in love with someone who treated you with such disrespect. Perhaps do the Freedom Programme to learn about healthy relationships and look into therapy.

Thank you so much for your reply.

i know i need professional help. I have a telephone appointment with my GP on Monday.

I will look at coparenting app.

I just don’t understand like why am I like this, why do I love him or feel scared to totally lose him. I’m sure his doing whatever. I just feel like I’m a beggar and I don’t want to be this person. I want to be amazing for my children. Show them
to be strong but I’m just weak.

how do I switch off and not love or care about him. Wish there was a reset button.

It helps to stop dwelling on it and force a reboot.

Cut him off and keep occupied. Watch a box set, start yoga (online if you can't get out), processional training or a night class, phone friends, declutter etc Do what you can to take your mind off things.

Here are some possible co parenting apps. You can find therapists on BACP.

It's called 'the script'
He's come out with the bullshit about his 'depression' to deflect from the fact that he is an utter piece of shit

Thank you everyone. Hate feeling like this. Hate feeling sorry for myself.

I literally signed up for a freedome programme and talking therapy. Time to make changes.

time to start loving myself 🥹

What’s mental is no matter what he done wrong to me I always loved him and showed him love, I still love him now but his been like this with me for 6 years for something I said when I was ill myself. It says a lot about me as a person and it says a lot about him as a person but I do not want to be with him anymore.

I bet you didn't even say it op
A week after my baby was born my mother unexpectedly died
About 3 nights later I'd just got the baby to sleep and my exh started pestering me for sex (bare in mind I'd also had to be cut to get ds out) i obviously said no and he said
'Well im depressed and it's your job to make me feel better'
Would he be ok to use that an excuse for his all day drinking binges?

Didn’t say what?

lots I should say I don’t say. I just stay silent.

and no one should live like that for the rest of their life. I know I need to do better. I am the problem.

I meant I bet you didn't even have that 'depression' conversation with him, he probably made it up

I don’t even want to know him anymore 🤣 are we allowed to swap baby dads asking for a friend 🤣

I honestly don’t remember. I know back in 2020 he was down and depressed but I can’t remember the conversation I remember me telling him I have postnatal and I don’t feel well to him and he says I need to get out more. But I don’t remember him telling me his down and depressed. Maybe he did and I wasn’t there for him. It’s something I will have to live with. But that’s not a reason to punish me not love me and cheat on me and his kids.

I have a locked note on my phone it’s like a story of what’s happened like a diary. It starts in 2020 I don’t recall anything before that.