My husband is not from the UK, we have been together 10 years and lived in a 1 bedroom flat before, moved to a small 2 bedroom house within the past year. His sister booked flights to come here on Xmas eve without checking first, her and her 2 kids are staying 11 days.
I’ve tried to be a good host and make the best of it, managed to cook a massive xmas dinner all by myself for 8 of us, as I had already invited 3 people before she booked her flights. We are in a dilemma of different opinions and I think it is a clash of cultures. He says that in his family view/opinion they can just invite themselves here/book a flight whenever they want without discussing it first. If we asked them to check with us first, or it wasn’t suitable for whatever reason, it would look like we didn’t care and didn’t want them here.
I know his parents want to come here too, probably within the next month. I actually don’t mind having people here (although they don’t speak English so it’s obviously a bit awkward) but out of respect I have said that a conversation needs to be had first, to check it is a convenient time to visit, that I am okay with it. After all I would ask my husband if he was okay with my family staying. It’s not about asking permission it’s just common courtesy.
I think this is going to happen again and again, unless he says something. I feel like I'm the guest in my own house, they've completely taken over. The children are so badly behaved but I can’t say much as they can’t understand me. He is trying his best, the kids are stressing us both out as their Mum doesn’t discipline them at all. He is just as stressed as me, but he can’t say anything as she will then think he doesn’t want them here. This all sounds so toxic, just booking flights without checking and imposing yourself and your badly behaved kids on people. I would never do that to anyone I cared about.
Really struggling with what next steps to take, we don’t have kids yet but are trying to get pregnant too. I can’t imagine having a baby myself and them just showing up and taking over our house when they feel like it. I feel like I am the guest in my own house. His family doesn’t see it like that though and make themselves right at home. I think it’s just differences in opinion, I don’t know what to do next time one of his family members decides they want to come, as I have just had enough now.
I will say, I'm quite close with his Brother and Wife who live 20 mins from us. It seems the family who don’t live in the UK are the issue. They didn’t stay at the Brothers house, as she stayed there last time and I think she wanted to come here as it’s our new house and she wanted to see it… we have spent so much money preparing the house for them, had to buy all the furniture too just before xmas. We hadn’t bought everything when we first moved in as it is obviously expensive. Had no choice now though as we had no spare bed in the other room - also bigger dining table and chairs too, for all 8 of us on xmas day plus xmas pressies for our extra guests.
Am I being mean or can people understand that I feel my husband is allowing them to dictate stuff to us. He feels like he can’t ever say no to his family. It’s going to be the same shit when his parents visit too. FYI my family have never stayed with us, but to be fair they all live in England so I understand his family must miss each other and will want to visit. Visiting I can put up with, but a bit of respect would be nice.