New single

[Aibuquestiononrelationship]

I finally ended relationship where I was never a priority.

No idea what to do. It was 5 1/2 years. I'm old, single and lonely, any tips to keep me sane and get on the right track?

Thank you 😊

What do you like to do? What makes you happy and being a smile on your face?

Do those things. You now have free time previously taken up by the relationship - use it to have a relationship with yourself. Treat yourself.

Get outside, cook nice meals, ring up people you previously didn’t spend time with, go to events your ex didn’t want to go to.

Oh and you aren’t ‘old’. I know people in their 70s and 80s that are full of zest for life, attend my workout classes, laugh their heads off with their friends over a coffee, still work, do weekends away etc. Far fuller lives than me!! Age is an attitude not a number.

Well done for ending it.

Being single isn't a curse. I prefer being single. Most relationships are bullshit anyway.

What do you want to do? This is your time now. Prioritise yourself and your own wants and needs.

Thank you.

I've a flu virus so Christmas has been flat anyway. I need to get better then get healthy and fitter for general health.

A new job. I've been self employed and long hours which impacted on my health so looking for employment instead.

Need to try some hobbies where I might meet new friends. Not going to look to date at all.

I'd recommend you have a look at a website called Meet ups. It's basically a platform where local informal groups organise themselves. They are mostly but not all for single people. I joined after a divorce several years ago and joined a walking group and a social group that organised informal nights out including pub quizzes/bowling etc. But the website covers hundreds of different interests.

You'll meet all sorts of people who you wouldn't normally come across. I found it a great motivator to get out of the house on my own.

Also try doing some things alone that typically you would do with a partner - eg going too the cinema. There's a certain amount of satisfaction in sitting alone watching a great movie with the bucket of popcorn to yourself.

My relationship ended 10 months ago & I felt the same as you( I'm in my 50's). It does get better & one day you suddenly realise that you enjoy being single. No 2nd guessing, slobbing out on the sofa watching what you want, wearing comfy undies . I make more of an effort to arrange social events with friends & have joined a singles group that enjoys the same hobbies as me. It is not a dating group so very relaxed. I occasionally get lonely, but it soon passes.
Keep going, you will be fine.

. I need to get better then get healthy and fitter for general health.
That is important, obviously. But I think (once you’re over the flu) if you prioritise activities that bring you joy, getting fitter and generally more healthy will fall into place.

When we are hurt and unhappy piling on sensible but difficult goals can be counter productive. We need some joy to build resilience and buoy us up to be in a stronger position to accomplish tougher goals. Focus on what makes you happy and chip away at the less pleasant changes a little at a time as you go along

Thank you for the great suggestions and support, I really appreciate. Having the flu and being tearful isn't great but it will pass.

There’s nothing more soul destroying than being with someone who never prioritises you, so well done for having the strength and self respect to end it.

Get well first, a brand new year is waiting for you just around the corner.

Very true. Although, I'm sat here sad and lonely. I ended it and said I've never been your priority over 5 1/2 years, he said I was, I just focused on this Christmas Eve, completely bypassing all the other times every year I'd been shoved aside. He said he prioritised Christmas day for me this year giving up spending the morning with his sons for me (both adults) and turned up later on Christmas Eve after spending time with them! I'm stunned just one Christmas day in 6 Christmases. He totally doesn't see it at all.

Then said he'd step aside. Strange expression, there's no one else, an odd thing to say! Made me feel like I'd done something wrong, again. I'm thinking I'm better off single, once I cope with this feeling empty and how it's my fault.